greenmangoesOfccigaux

Bullies With Butterfly Wings

2012-01-17T03:20:00.006+08:00

Since I haven't much time watching the news on TV, I've been reading articles and news through the internet's Yahoo! Philippines. After reading a few columns, I can't help but to say a few words on its comments section. I hesitate to put comments since one needs to sign-in your own yahoo account in order for me to make my comment visible. My hesitation got much stronger when I read a few comments below the article/column; these people are brutal. their minds are oozing with hatred and vileness. I'm so close on saying that their souls, if they still have it, are already rotten. If one doesn't have the hardened heart, you could be dead before you hit the "unlike" button. One could be affected too much that you might even TRY what they're suggesting at you.

Bullies.

I've been dealing with them for the past twenty years of my life. They ignite my struggling life up until now and fuels my own hatred to them. So much hate that even my high school classmates/batchmates I considered a bully back then, had no space in my Facebook list of friends, even if they sent me notifications, etc. No matter how time make these bullying memories fade, they still haunt me. Eating the very core of my individuality as a man. No. It wasn't fear that I felt. It was the lack of power. The power to fight physically due to the fact that I was raised within the confines of reasoning rather than physical abuse or barbarism. It's not that I can't throw a punch. But perhaps I was reasonable enough to choose not to fight because of so many underlying consequences. And handling consequences isn't my strong suit.

Today, bullies have emerged as much more destructive. Nay, in physical violence but rather in words. Yes, words.

I remember those people (young ones), for the past three years, in which they've been cyber bullied and judged poorly and inhumanely that it took them so much to fathom the veracity of the bullies' perception to them and thus took their own lives so that finally giving them the satisfaction that these bullies won and these bullies are right. That time, I misjudged these people as weak and stupid by taking their own lives. That perception I had for them changed when I experienced what they also experienced just recently:

In my defense, I was stating a sarcasm. But the person (Zorbak) took it literally.

At first, I was shocked. I kept on telling myself that I don't want to be affected by a silly response. But this person's words are so piercing, that even my shielded mentality and heart penetrates to the deepest. The sentence lingers to your broad mind, like a faded voice that keeps on repeating your name. I was hurt. Gan'un pala 'yun. Sa una, iindahin mo 'yung salita. Hanggang sa hindi mo na kaya. Have I welcomed this person's idea? I would be lying if I say I didn't. It crossed my mind, I tell you. But then again, the reasonable side of me spoke loudly: "What for?" And then I looked back my 29 years of existence: it was remarkable! I had no reason or heart to do what this person is strongly suggesting.

To you, Zorbak, or who ever you are. My judgment on you shall forever be hidden. Naniniwala ako sa Diyos. At nagtitiwala ako sa Kaniya. Kung ano man ang ihahatol niya sa'yo balang araw o sa mga dadating na araw, ipagdadasal ko pa rin ang kaluluwa mo. Kaawaan ka ng Diyos. You've thought me something indispensable in spite of your words.

Looking back again while I conclude this blog entry, I thought of the people who weren't strong to push these cyber bullies. Siguro, bago nila wakasan ang kanilang buhay naghahanap pa sila ng saklolo. Ng pag asa. Pag asa na may magsabi sa kanila na "huwag mong pansin sila. hindi totoo ang mga sinasabi nila sa'yo." No, not physical heroes that they're seeking for, but people who could give them the emotional power to overcome these bullies' claims and misjudgments.

Perhaps the Kryptonite for them bullies are, as simple as it may sound, also words, right? :)

Death of An Idea

2011-09-29T05:02:00.003+08:00

As I wait for a jeepney ride bound to Quiapo along the not-so-crowded E. Rodriguez Avenue, I pondered a lot of things that presented to me in full detail. Its as if I opened a pop-up book all of a sudden. The stopping and forwarding of vehicles. The few seconds wait for that green light to go down from red. The blackest of smokes from the mufflers of a dilapidated PUJ. The look of the passengers as I was about to step inside and find a vacant (most of the times warm) seat. And when you look at them as well, they gaze upon another thing or person next before me as if they didn't see me. My careful breathing suggests calm. Or wonder.

I wore my fake Rayban Sunglasses because there was too much light out side. It was from the angry sun. Or was it from the shiny car's exteriors? I'm blaming both.

I wonder why women wearing skirts as high as their thighs could hug, still has the guts to ride a public vehicle. The worst part was when she sat opposite you. And when you accidentally looked down between their legs, that's the time they cover it with both of their hands and give you a shy and yet tantrum look. Its as if it was your fault why they have to wear such or why they need to tighten her belt and bear riding a public utility vehicle. I looked away. But I didn't pretend that I saw a black underwear rudely smiles at me. Should I apologize for the lack of my discreetness and having an observing male eyes? Should I make the sign of the cross and mock an Halleluia?
I'm no saint. Was it my male hormones? These things happen. Charge it to experience, then.

I walked the path to where I work, a catholic school passed me by. A few Commercial Banks are all around me. And the scorching sun reminds you to shield him/her with anything. I reflected on all the things I have observed and concluded that every detail, structure and living or moving thing that surrounds me has some story to tell. An idea. And this was the beginning of an idea of mine about dying ideas. Or the death of it. Much more questions arose when I thought about it. Like if an idea ends or dies, are we doomed to redundancy? Is it really possible? Is extinction of life means the end of ideas? Or ideas came before our existence?

I pushed the glass door and simultaneously, the bell that signifies someone just arrives or leaves the premises, rang in its discreet way. I head on to the kitchen and located my time card and wrote my arrival time. My penmanship sucks. I honestly wrote the time on my cellphone. Not the time on the wall, which was 15 minutes ahead from the standard time.

Time. Hmm.. now that's another idea I'd like to ponder about.

I conclude that it may seem impossible to have a requiem for ideas. It looks endless. The death of an idea itself is already an idea.

The Six Stages of Praying

2011-08-29T23:02:00.002+08:00

The following are products of my uncontrolled eavesdropping.

Childhood: Laruan

Teenagers: Boypren/Girlpren/Relasiyon

Adolescence: Makatapos ng pag aaral

Young Adults: Pera/Asawa/Trabaho

Adulthood to Middle Age: Younger Boypren/Girlpren

Oldies: Sa lalake: Erection, Babae: Pagmamahal nung tulad ng dati.

I don't know what I'm about to say but I'll say it, nonetheless

2011-05-21T16:37:00.004+08:00

E = mc2

Nakaka gago minsan ang mga pagkakataon na i-prinepresenta sa atin araw-araw.

We began in simplicity, like anything normal and random. We continued the journey. With high and lows and the occasional shouts, and misconstrued things. When things are finally going to end, or must end, we couldn't even think of a graceful exit but, in any case, we had a simple ending. One ending that tends to implore pain and misery. I guess most endings are meant to be that way. It so happened we were on that category.

The suckiest part was the moment when we placed down the receiver and thoughts of uttering a simple sigh of relief. Was it really a sigh of relief or regret? I wished it was the latter. Today, I now find a courage to fare you well in eight crucial words: You've become someone that I used to know.

Well, who knows.

Timang Sa'yo

2011-03-19T02:21:00.002+08:00

Para akong gago.

Routine:

1. Log in your username and password.
2. Check notifications, friend requests, game apps, and private messages.
3. Check your walls for further notifications (sometimes glitches of FB misses you to notify a thing or two).
4. Check news feed for news or statuses of your friends, peers and relatives.
5. Check the "status" of your current interest/s.
6. Check if someone is online for a chat or two.
7. Check photos of your current interest.
8. Ponder and reflect.
9. Check other social networking sites you have.
10. Repeat routine after couple of hours.

Thirty Three

2011-03-07T21:01:00.006+08:00

Thanks, Ms.Claudineski, for the tag.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
I have lots of ideas. Waking up having your family's around, reading a book, being with a girl I really love to be with, food and conversations, being in church, having my band around me with or without on stage. and a hundred more.

2. What is your greatest fear?
Heights, guns, having the breaking point in a certain grave situation, earthquake and losing your identity and the capacity to lose ideas.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Madami. But I think the ability to listen to others is one I could think of.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
The way they make me laugh.

5. What is your greatest extravagance?
Music and books. I mostly think less twice when it comes to those things. Clothes... hmm.. i guess you could put it on the list as well.

6. What do you consider as the most overrated virtue?
Honesty. I guess because I have a notion that almost everybody lies.

7. On what occasion do you lie?
When I ran out of excuses.

8. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
If I could really name one, and I hope the Heavens will forgive me by stating this, my nose. BUT if there's a chance I could improve it, then why not.

9. Which living person do you most despise?
None. Despising someone is really something awful. It's like despising yourself as well.

10. What is the quality you most like in a man?
The ability to reason with things or someone.

11. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Their ability to accept their own emotions as it is.

12. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Wasak. Basag. Tangna. Indeed. Absolutely. Splendid. Hehe. Kumusta. Certainly.

13. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My family, the immediate ones or the relatives. As long as they're my family, that's cool with me. My bandmates. The little members of our household, Vodka and Donatello. And my friends, wherever they are or whoever they are now as time goes by.

14. When and where were you happiest?
When I am on stage performing original songs.

15. Which talent would you most like to have?
Is healing a talent? If it does, then count that in. Healing in general.

16. If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?
My physique. I want it lean and a bit muscular. Built for stamina and agility.

17. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Small things which I rather forgotten now. But not directly. I believe that through the course of someone's life, you actually did something small for the greater humanity or for someone you know. It does not matter wheather it's a suprise cake you gave or a consoling hug or the prayer you whispered to someone you may or may not know. As long as it's something good, I considered a great achievement. Awards are not achievements, for me. They are acknowledgements. The real achievement is something YOU alone acknowledges it. Either to yourself or to a small group of people like your family.

18. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
I'd like to be myself again in a different timeline. That would be something awesome.

19. Where would you most like to live?
I'd still love to be here where I was born. I dunno, I guess it's a comfort zone thing. It's a great experience having snow but not all the time. Likewise on rains and summer breezes.

20. What is your most treasured possession?
Books, my two electric guitars, a few photos and the songs I composed.

21. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
When the tiniest of hopes are gone.

22. What is your favorite occupation?
If I could be paid just by reading books with no specific deadlines and performing on stage with my band to a less strict crowd, then that would be it!

23. What is your most marked characteristic?
Ask my family and friends about it. I rarely look at my innerself on a mirror.

24. What do you most value in your friends?
Loyalty, trust, humor, compassion and understanding.

25. Who are your favorite writers?
Mario Puzo, Agatha Christie, Mitch Albom, Jose Saramago, Paulo Coelho, Neil Gaiman, Vayie De Leon, Jim Paredes, Matthew Pearl, Conrado De Quiros, Michael Crichton and J.K. Rowling

26. Who is your hero of fiction?
Don Vito Corleone

27. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
So far, I haven't considered someone yet. That's how unique I am, I guess.

28. Who are your heroes in real life?
My Family. Bandmates. Jim Paredes. Jose Rizal. Winnie Monsod.

29. What are your favorite names?
Indira. Anthea. Ruidzi. Ponciano. Jean. Salawikain. Lualhati. Hercule. Ralph (as in Ralph Feinnes). Kalawakan. Intramuros

30. What is it that you most dislike?
Contradiction and on the duality of life. But they are also the things that matters in life.

31. What is your greatest regret?
Telling someone you love her and only to find out that she doesn't feel the same way but you should understand that love doesn't go the way you want it to. And NOT telling someone you love her but only to find out that she feels the same way too little too late.

32. How would you like to die?
As I sleep and when I'm already on my 80th age. No pain. and already fulfilled of all the missions and the things I ought to contribute in life.

33. What is your motto?
Things aren't always what they're seem. Reason with people.

And now, I'd like to tag Diana Jean De Belen, Vayie De Leon, Indira Margareth Parayno, Mark Zuckerberg, Barney Stinson, Ted Mosby, Acey Jayssan and Joshua Nutribuns

Keep Spinning

2011-02-01T02:32:00.008+08:00

Here’s a story about a girl whom you'll spend time with. Knowing her, asking her almost anything about life and her own ideas and what ticks her mind. You exchange thoughts, mysteries and each of the things that drives you to live. From that point to here, you may call it friendship. But almost suddenly, you're getting to like this unique individual. She’s becoming special. It’s typical and not weird for a guy to like someone unless she's unlikable. She lives up to your expectations: kinda concern about you or make you think she do. She’ll spend time with you as well, perhaps because she's bored or not have someone sensible to talk to.

Time flies, and then, as you want to push on and trying to reach out to her, you become someone irrelevant. See, here were you supposed to look back and find out what went wrong. But instead, you gave up on her. Because she's might be a typical candidate girl that would just waste your patience and time. Perhaps one would argue that she's not that into you. Okay, given that premise is true, is that a good reason for you to become suddenly irrelevant and make you feel unappreciated?

Nakaka walang gana lang. Kasi you've given time e. And no one could ever give you back those times that had passed. Kaya nga sabi ng Fox kay Little Prince patungkol sa Rose:

"It is the time that you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

Or if we rephrase it to a more distinct way:

"It is the time that you have given/poured/shared that makes your rose so important."

This means, if you have shared your time to someone or something, this makes it automatically an important thing. You won't be spending so much time and effort on something that doesn't mean to you, right?

Nakakawalang gana lang talaga. Oh well. Been there, done that. Risks are risks. If you invested your life to a person, there's no guarantee that it would sprung something good out of them. Sometimes or mostly, it doesn't. That's why most people begun to trust a little and give a little. They don't want to be hurt in the process of investing in people. So, you, who invested to good friends and particular someone, keep them. They are all worth the time and space and effort and praises you've invested.

Well, on to the next few good people you'll meet soon. I'm almost certain that a girl will repeat this process on you and start back again to where you left off; pay on the counter, get your ticket, choose a vacant seat and choose from either a Carousel or a Ferry's Wheel. Choosing both will get you wasted.

Double

2011-01-26T00:54:00.003+08:00

I need to master you, Duality of life. The contradictions, the cliches and the uncommon presence of the common sense.

Slightly Intoxicated

2010-12-25T23:44:00.007+08:00

Well, this seems to be new to me. I don't know if it's better to blog when you're sober or not. Perhaps the notion of a drunk being brave or thinking he's like a soldier diving for his life in D Day, is the most used excuse why most people doesn't want to be sober. Lumalakas ang loob. Palpitations are present in every bit of palpable arteries.

"Hiwaga" (acoustic version) by Up Dharma Down is in repeat mode. This helps me cope the insobriety.

Speaking of bravery, I dauntlessly took the salvo of my peers when I decided to go semi bald.

exhibit a.

I expected a box full of chagrin from the old self and peers but to my surprise, I got a lot of compliments. See you next year, exhibit a. This month, I'll pick the aid of my hats, caps and (beanies) or to what my elder brother describe beanies as "tripolante" cap. Because he used to see them worn by fishermen, tuna catchers and sardine packers.

Dear Love,

I decided not to pursue you, like I used to, for the time being. I'm tired. Aren't you tired as well? My feet aches, my lungs are beginning to contract something without its approval and I just don't feel like seeking you this coming days, weeks and or perhaps years. If I'm doomed to be single then let it be. Hey, this isn't giving up. I just wanted to be idle, hermit as you may say, and free myself of all the running and stunning. Free of being how I used to be. I already filed my indefinite leave last week. I will terribly miss you...

Bazinga!

Yours and yours alone,

I

Cul De Sac

2010-10-17T22:25:00.004+08:00

I am inciting a new notion. It's about words and the importance and strength of it. A good deal after a business conversation could venture you to make a sky scraper or a multi-million Pesos worth of funding. But one ridicule of a gossip her or there, it will spifflicate you to pieces.

As talk becomes cheaper and cheaper, the words we utter everyday, either to ourselves or to someone, have also becoming to be of weaker value; promises broken, misconceptions turning to a scientific fact, misleading comments and suggestions, excuses, deceits, etc. I consider my own words as my cul de sac. I live through words! An opinion or news column with a fewer than ten words I haven't encountered makes my day! I acknowledge it by consulting to old Webster.

Weeks had passed, I was out of it. I ran out of adjectives to say. I was a mess. I don't know if few of my friends or readers are still paying attention to what I'm about to say. It's not like I'm worried about it. I just feel like there's a pollution of words or conversations going on every second. Almost everyone has something to say to something or someone. Even the old one-liners or one word-ers are masticated these days. Since this is a trend, I embrace silence much more. It won't hurt if a person like me will just shut up for the time being. I'm done with statuses and tweets, until the trend fades. Good thing I still keep my blog for an explosive or lame idea that only my consciousness and yours truly, are willing to comprehend.

While everyone speaks, I wrote songs instead. Enjoy it while I still can.

"The Innocent Dreamer" by Epic Proportions

This Is The Story Of A Girl...

2010-09-28T12:14:00.005+08:00

"This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. While she looks so sad in photographs I absolutely love her... when she smiles." -Nine Days

More Than Just Kapeng Barakos & Balisongs

2010-09-13T07:16:00.005+08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was invited by a great friend of mine to their family gathering/outing in Anilao, Batangas. We were supposed to be as many as 5 in our group but it ended up with only Sydney and I managed to commit.

That day, for some miraculous reasons, the rain did not fell. It was sunny. Crisp like the first few weeks of March. Your fake Ray Ban's won't suffice from the scorch of the sun. It was an Augustinian Summer.

For a few hours I rediscovered Batangas. They're more than just the coffee, the Balisong and the ala-e's we hear before each sentence. Their dialect, craving for food, culture and love for conversations made these people from CaLaBArZon Region unique as their neighboring towns.

I've been to family outings as well. Not to mention the outings I attended to my mother's side, Ilocanos. Slight differences from my observations about Batangeneos, Manileneos and Ilocanos family outings. An outing is never an outing without food. Food is highly appreciated by Batangeneos. It's one of the sources of their gullible disposition. They distribute food to each other no matter if you're just a guest or a close family friend. No one is left behind when it comes to food. And make sure you take what they gave you. It's a cardinal rule.

Their dialect is mostly the same as ours here living in the Metro; their accent makes the difference. Although I find it more interesting when I heard some words from theirs which are deep and different from our own. Conversations to them are very common and highly regarded as something to care about. Minsan nga, akala mo nagsisigawan na sila, pero malakas lang talaga ang boses nila. It's their way of talking. Loud and clear. They mostly deliver silence only in sacred places and bed rooms when about to sleep.

Lastly, I observed most about them on how they treat others. They are the kind of folks that take highly of themselves and yet they also tend look at others as highly as themselves. They are proud individuals regardless of status quo. They also are apologetic despite of who you are. I could never forget the part were I was told by my friend's aunt about the loudness of their conversation and she uttered an apology to me. To me? Wow! I'm a guest and I felt I'm part of the family. I was humbled by their accommodation and care towards us. I just told my friend's aunt that I understand and it's really okay to me, with a hiya smile and a hand that scratches the head.

The family and my friend came from Austria. But they really don't look like they came from a far away land. Perhaps, their roots as Batangeneos helped them to put their feet firmly on the ground even if they soar to such magnificent places like Vienna, Austria. What a great family.

To Whom It May Concern,

2010-09-03T18:09:00.003+08:00

According to the laws of physics, coldness does not exist. In reality, it is just an absence of heat. As for you and I, I do not exist. I am merely, an absence of you.

Sincerely,

Cc

Give

2010-08-09T01:20:00.003+08:00

they say that life is in these hands
you give everything
you give yourself away
you give
and still you choke
and find yourself running for the door

-"Home" Dishwalla

Leap Softly But Carry A Big Stick

2010-07-31T20:06:00.005+08:00

Before, I bravely take risks, I stop for nothing, except the will of God, just to make a point and honestly tell a person how I feel. I believe to the power of now and of being here. Of the limited possibilities of today. Of life being so short and unpredictable, hence the need to do things at hand rather than give tomorrow a chance. Because tomorrow, is indeed another day.

E ngayon, I can't even utter that word.

Why can't I take the plunge right now? What's stopping me?

Why
can't
I
take
the
leap
of
faith?

I need a limbo.

Admission

2010-07-06T03:39:00.004+08:00

Maybe we need to admit something that we felt in order for us to accept things a bit easily. That's why most of the time, we end up hating ourselves for what we already did.

I had my fair share of these stories of admittance. Of admitting mistakes, failures, strong affection, to disagree with the ideas a person have and regrets. But we need to admit these things in a timely way. Not just because life is short, but because we felt it's the right thing to do even if it hurts us in the process.

And I have to admit: That I am typing this blog at 4 in the morning.

When can I start to admit that I need to sleep early?

Much has been said.

They, The Wounded

2010-06-28T16:23:00.003+08:00

Why were two people, who hurt each others feelings before, can't see each other again? Some took it by months or years to finally bury the hatchet. Others, never. So why can't they? What's taking them apart? What's in between them? Take it to a different point of view:

Let's say the wounded were soldiers from different factions. One was a rebel and the other was from Marines. Between the bombs and bullets and warm bodies around them that scattered like sliced meatballs in your spaghetti, these two soldiers caught to each of their faces. Each were trained to see the difference between an enemy or a friend. And they pulled each of their triggers. The two dropped and held their ground, played dead. Each were at the same moistened soil, same sky, same stench they breathe, held their wound with pressure, and knew they're in a critical condition. Almost fatal. They closed their eyes. Half of their bodies were tucked in a white blanket. They were now in their respective hospitals, in recovery. The pain was still present and there was, of course, the inevitable scar. Should their be a beautiful scar then the soldiers would proudly look at it and would have showed it with all gusto.

For their wounds alone, should an unplanned meeting occur, the scars will open and a bitter rivalry begins. They might even consider revenge. And the pain. Oh the pain, gruesome and immeasurable if such a meeting takes place. As long as the pain persist, the two wounded soldiers of their respective command, vowed never to speak of it and will, at any costs, avoid encounter.

The story of a rebel woman and a man from Marine Corps, wounded-ly concludes here. And they were friends.

Time never heals these kind of wounds. Forgiveness does.

Probably

2010-06-20T21:37:00.005+08:00

He sensed the coldness. Thus, he stepped back. Giving enough space to let the coldness briskly pass. He left his baggage at end of the hall way. It's unnecessary. For tomorrow, he waits. He waits.

A tired nurse was in deep thought. Nursing the idea of quitting and let all her dreams crumble to pieces. Until the pieces becomes something she could not recognize any longer. She thought about starting to another carer again. Going back to being nocturnal. But what about the things she sacrificed for four years? Is this the one they called quarter life crisis? She's tired. Maybe sleeping this off would do. She waits until she felt sleepy. She waits. She waits.

He was invited to an itinerary involving most of his classmates way back high school. He seeks approval to his girl. She said no. She brought up trust issues again even if it was forgiven. An argument jumped out like fireworks. The tone went higher. Until one of them dropped the subject. And then the tone went lower. Whispering the reasons. If only we could buy trust like a piece of diamond. He waits for his cool to go down. He waits. He waits.

She was afraid of reciprocity. Making herself busy almost all the time. She lightly scratched her left cheek. She remembers something. She scratched the idea after she spent the last half hour if she did remembered something. Or was it someone? She obliterated the idea of liking that person. For what its worth, she doesn't care anymore. Yet, she waits. She waits.

Birthmark On My Gluteus Maximus: True Story

2010-06-04T16:23:00.005+08:00

I have observed this fact for the past several years now of going and about to buy something from a store, may it be food, or just a shirt, that whenever I went from a let's say a fast food chain with a few people in it, and I fell in line on the counter to take my order, eventually there WILL be lots of people around! It's as if I'm a lucky charm! Contrary to what others would say that "malas daw ang may balat sa pwet." But it's going the other way around. I'm not stating this to convince you. Just be my guest when we go out. And observe. It's unbelievable.

Lucky Charm eh?

I have a birthmark on my right butt. Less than an inch in size. It was originated from my upper thigh, actually. Through the age, it went up to my butt. I guess it's all about the skin's ability to stretch out, hence the change of place.

Too bad, I'm not gonna take a picture of my birthmark and post it here. Baka malasin ako. :-p

A Splendor and A Celebrator

2010-05-29T00:01:00.011+08:00

I can't say exactly. But apparently I'm traveling in time. Backwards. I'm looking at the last 2 years in college. I stepped back, rethink each paces I took, unwritten the pages of my notebook, browse the notes from the end to beginning, and the result: I met someone from the past. My past. A vague past yet worth traveling for again and again.

Worth smiling for.

And this past is being relived now.

-------

May is the new "celebration":

7 years and counting, my dearest friends! How cool is that?!

Of course, my birthday will not be complete with out the Epic Proportions!

Hindi na uso ang maraming handa. Basta masaya ka, ok na 'yun!

With the newest people around my quiet and loud life!

with the party animals! :)

Describe the month of May in one word: Legendary.

I realize that...

...you can't always get what you want. But if you try, you might get what you need.
...the greatest revenge is to be happy.
...that if you end something, end it with a period, not with
an exclamation point or more periods or a question mark.
...learn from the past and share these to whom you are with.
...that we may pretend everyday as long as we keep the truth to ourselves.
...that it's okay to be ugly as long as you looked neat, clean and presentable.
...that it's easier to make other people feel happy about themselves.

Recuperation mode: On (and loving each day of it!)

2010-05-08T05:20:00.000+08:00

I am officially not dating anyone as I speak. And I am not going to pen down here about the bad.. err.. the worst things my heart had endured the past few weeks. It was hell. Yet at the end of the day, I still need to work on our papers, pay the bills, talk to sensible people, meet new people, go to the grocery, eat, sleep, shit and piss.

While the sun busy hitting us hard with his scorch-ness and god-forsaken heat, mr.rain was seen blowing out the thing he's good at. It was not enough yet it's good to know that rain is still coming even the phenomenon called El Nino's predicted to be on us until June.

Recuperating mode is pricey yet fun and qualitative. It gives you a sense of urgency to love yourself more each day and be with everyone that matters to you most. Here are the things I did that I hope you miserable and bitter romantics out there might help you to recuperate from an ugly breakup or a senseless kinship with someone you loved.

Learn new things! This was the first time I learned how to play dance dance revo!

Read exciting books! Either new or old.

Be with friends and sing your heart out loud in full force!

Make someone happy on their Birthday. Reconcile. Re-learn with them.

Be with someone that could understand the hurting heart and acknowledge the pains, the breaks and the divine feeling of self-preservation.

Rekindle your long lost favorite sport with a friend or two!

Discover new places to dine! (This was from Goodles in Galleria)

Feed the Feline! Or any pet you have at home! Give attention to the lesser things you encounter everyday.

And smile if you feel like frowning!

This week, I also:

-visited our sick brother/band mate in Polymed yesterday.
-asked the silliest questions through SMS
-planning an anniversary dinner
-listened to Papa Jack on radio
-listed down the personalities I will vote on Monday
-felt sorry to a friend who lost her two cute turtles
-watched a dozen DVD's
-had been treated by a High School buddy to watch Iron Man 2 with our band mate
-slept earlier than before

it only shows that being with people you trust and gained a certain amount of confidence with is a fascinating way and rewarding experience to recuperate. Besides, it's not everyday that someone breaks your heart. Hence being with them is an adventure to look forward to. :)

Go out of the box, will you! Sabi nga sa isang kanta, "The world is our playground and it will always be our home."

Lesser Than Few

2010-04-14T22:01:00.002+08:00

A few more days. A few more senseless deaths. A few more briberies. A few more lefts. A few more rights. A few more air-time minutes. A few more changes of loyalties(what am I talking about? Loyalty is a word only now associated to pets now a days. It become less of a word. It's not even a word now. Like honor, truth, justice, hope and integrity. They're like a tasteless soup.)

A few more days. A few more space. A few more less.

Hold on to your seats. This is going to be a wild, wacky and a wreck of a life all the way to May 10.

These are the people I will vote.

President:
Vice President:

12 Senators:

1 Governor:
1 Vice-governor:
4 Board Members:
1 Representative:
1 Mayor:
1 Vice Mayor:
8 Councilors:

If you can read the names I typed above, I'll ask 1 great thing to you. So great that you can make all Filipinos walk on water. :)

Hindi mo mabasa? Sorry ka na lang. :) BITTER luck next time.

The Hundredth Mistake

2010-03-14T06:56:00.006+08:00

A boy dreamt about his soul mate again for the 3rd time. It's as if he don't want to let her go that instance. They were on a bus trip. She was leaning her head on his shoulder while the boy gaze at the passing of endless greens and pavements. The boy spoke.

Boy: "I need to ask you this before I wake up. This is the third time I dreamt about you. And I might not going to get a chance to dream about it again. How on earth will I ever find you?"

A pause.

Suddenly she spoke, calmly, as if she was about to fall asleep.

Girl: "Count a hundred mistakes. It will lead you to me."

A tinge of her voice would tell that she was smiling after she said that. He smiled back.

And then the boy woke up and started counting.

Appreciate not just the right ones you made but also the mistakes you've made. Because that one mistake can lead you to another and another and another, until each mistake will lead you to something good. For a lifetime. Each reasonable mistake is meaningful on it's own. And when the wrong one comes along, the right one might suddenly appear; either to save you or break you or to ruin the wrong. You can never tell unless you made that mistake.

---

It's 7:29am and I'm going back to sleep. Go figure. :)

"Paint Your White Shoes Red" (A Review)

2010-03-07T05:56:00.001+08:00

A Pace-ful Life:

A hundred steps from point A to point B. Two steps forward, you could have stepped a dog shit behind you. You hopped a good twenty inches, you could've met an accident along the way. A toddler instinctively learns how to walk so that he could embrace his mom's legs. Two steps backward for the hurt you've endured for a long time. Side step a bit and now you're resting your head to your partner. Life seems to be easier when we appreciate these steps. Like how a boy appreciated the red shoes he had stolen from The First Lady. His feet had led him to the 3000 pairs of shoes in the Palace. Perhaps it's easier said to back away and let his feet led him again to another room. But that was not the case.

A Shoe is the Way, the Truth and the Life:

The Red Shoes is a kind of love story that penetrates the universality of love. Particularly in this film, it involves three. First, love for country. It depicted Philippines as being thirsty for love by the people that greatly sacrifices a lot just to grab freedom from dictatorship and on how that kind of love transcends after liberty. As shown were people power mislead most that love for country was synonymous to put justice in the hands of the oppressed. Secondly, love for family. The film greatly implied the significance of family, of belongingness and on how family's loss, tragedy and status quo greatly connects to each of us in spite not being blood related to one another. Lastly, a love for someone. As a Filipino, we mostly inherited the famous excerpt from a poetry by Francisco Balagtas "Hahamakin ang lahat masunod ka lamang.". Well, the protagonist, Lucas, underrated the First Lady by stealing a pair of shoes for love.

You could never go wrong when Unitel produces an indie film. They were also the men and women behind the remarkable films like Crying Ladies and Santasantita. A simple yet moving film that could break and mend your heart at the same time. It never loses to touch the consciousness of a struggling Juan Dela Cruz after the People Power Revolution in 1986; on how we easily forgive and just forget the crucial points in life. A lovely and honest to goodness-feel-good movie that's worth your hundred and so steps you've sacrificed from work to earn that struggling peso. A movie that satisfyingly ponders and delivers the art of letting go and moving on.

Needs Shoe Polishing:

Sound wise, it's a bit unclear when some parts were toned down and some parts were a bit loud. Some editing cuts were unsatisfactory as well. Nevertheless, these minor mishaps can easily be forgiven and forgotten due to the beautiful cinematography, originality of the plot, relate-able dialogues, cheesy love proposals and brilliant acting.

A Film That Beautifully Redefines Happy Endings:

As for what I have understood, in spite of most would say that it was not a happily ever after movie, I would like to state the otherwise. Because not all happy endings ends in marriages or a long and wet kissing scene under the rain. I think and I believe that this film's magnificent approach towards the end greatly lifts the part were moving on and letting go, no matter how hard to do, no matter how excruciating to pursue, can be a happy ending.

---------

For More Info go to: www.theredshoes.com.ph

SHOWING ON MARCH 10, 2010!

United State Of Mind

2010-02-27T00:07:00.011+08:00

I am in a state of mind in which there's so many things and places and people I'd like to talk about but I can't seem to do so. Maybe because most people already posted about the things and places and people I'd like to talk about. I wanted to impart something I have not yet posted here. Like my life as a jogger or on how I've become a health buff when 2010 started. I left most of the emotional baggage I had in 2009. I've become more of a person who just accepts the way of the world and how it revolves and let things be.

I'm tired of over analyzing things. The more I over analyze things, the more I can't move forward. My existence was more of a backward stance rather than the opposite. It's like you're sitting in a moving couch and just staring the blank white wall.

Two weeks ago, I received a devastating message from my band mate/brother/bestfriend, Dj about his dad, Tito Jun. (Dj's mom also passed away a year ago) Even if I have not known Tito Jun so well, my world stand still and thought about him for quite a while. He's a typical quiet dad, workaholic and yet in his silent ways and pissed-off looks, he loves his family so much. I can consider myself also a living testament of what he was as a father of 5. His passing was a wake up call for me. A personal one: that everyone will leave us someday, physically and emotionally. The saddest part is that there's nothing we can do to prepare for it. Thus, we have each day to gather our hearts, pull some strings and make each day something that would matter long before we're gone.

We're not just seizing each day; we're actually living it the way we wanted to, without much hurt, lies, deceit and envy.

photo by: J.M.Tupaz

The Antagonist

2010-01-20T01:52:00.006+08:00

How do villains become villains? Is there a meaning in becoming one? Villains has been defined and redefined by all mediums, throughout history. Mankind perceived them as simply the bad guys. Here's how I could anatomize villainy as simple as I can:

Motives

To become one, one must have motives or drives to strive being bad or do bad or do bad for a greater good.

Means

Power is one of the essential tools to become a villain. Either through inflicting pain to others or the power to control others. A man with a gun definitely has the power to kill or spare the person on their knees. I could not imagine a villain without possessing any kind of power or a need to have a higher position among men.

Goal

Yes even the most inglorious bastards of the evil kind have goals or objectives. One cliche thing villains almost always trying to do is to "rule the world". Second to that is to "have revenge". One common problem, with these kind of objectives, is the linear way things will end up when the goals or objectives were already met. Once met, the purpose of becoming a villain may already been defeated.

Roots

A villain may have a rough past, negative environment, or perhaps a disturbed mind. Their past may tell the 'whys' and the 'hows' of the future. It interests me so much about the past lives of Jafar, Lex Luthor, Joker and Lucifer. Is it safe to say that these villains can never sprung out if it weren't for the good people? Or is it the other way around?

------

Truth be told, that the real Big Brother(as depicted by George Orwell's 1984) or Cinderella's Evil Step Sisters are also us.

"In the real world there are no villains. No one actually sets out to do evil. […] Fiction mirrors life. Or, more accurately, fiction serves as a lens to focus what we know of life and bring its realities into sharper, clearer understanding for us. There are no villains cackling and rubbing their hands in glee as they contemplate their evil deeds. There are only people with problems, struggling to solve them." -Ben Bova

I pay homage to one of the most loved and most hated villain of all... ...he's actually the one holding a gold snake staff and having an annoying parrot in his shoulders. :)

Jafar's Words Of Wisdom:

"You're only a fool when you give up, boy!"

"Things aren't always what they seem."

"You've heard of the Golden Rule, haven't you? Whoever has the gold, makes the rules"

"I love the way your foul little mind works. "

We Are Faceless

2010-01-06T03:37:00.000+08:00

This song is for those who do not want to wake up one day and have a thousand networking site friends that are all shallow and faceless.

"We Are Faceless"
12Drytyfngrs
Written by Ccigaux Adona
December 16, 2009

Then again, I've been fooled
I am less, I'm enraged by the sudden death

Was it fair?
You made me believe you're there, you left me in the air

Are you real?
The harder I see, the more you become a mystery

Here's a toast to all that you were
And to all the sense you put in me

It's hard to admit we're faceless and
the concern, the lies that we commit
The talks, the laughs, the might have beens
The twist & turns, the thoughtlessness

My December In A Few Words & Photos

2009-12-30T12:48:00.009+08:00

"if words are too few
to keep horizons in view
will you go
or stay and grow?"- UpDharmaDown

The sky was limited after all

Treat someone special and you will feel special

I learned to share my talent in the most unexpected manner

I made someone happy and surprised even for a while

Being with "the band" that I humbly believes in all aspect of pure musical class

That there's no "I" in the word "team"

That friendship is far more important than any fame

That surprises are a great way to give hope and emphasize
that good things comes in short-noticed planning

That the past can be brought up in a very funny way

That cold beverages may also warm someone's soul

That panda's can be tickled on the nose. The fake ones, that is.

That we can create a meaningful December for someone you haven't known yet

And that Christmas and New Year are not just a prerequisite to be happy or to be with someone so that you're not alone. It's also the time of the year to be thankful for all the months of defeat, loss and exhilarating damages you took.

....that even if Grimace wants you to grimace all the sadness away. :)

How can I not be so hopeful and positive for the coming year if my December was already so blessed?

Kampai!

It's Almost 2010

2009-12-13T13:07:00.002+08:00

Yeah.

It's almost the end of a year and a beginning of a new one. It was a struggling year for me yet I still made some of my friends or folks happy, cry, angry and made a few good friends here and there. I watched two international artists perform this year. I broke some promises. I made some new ones. I saw the collapse of a soul in Magindanao. I gained a belly. I lost my first mobile sim card. I slept so late. I went to some of the few fantastic beaches around. I cried incessantly about heart aches and unresolved problems. I believed yet my relationship to Him had been lesser than a year ago. I crumbled and fell in and out of love. I miss my parents. I welcomed and said goodbye and welcomed again the arrival of processed food and canned goods in our refrigerator. I hugged my stained pillows more tight than before. I made a few beautiful songs. I become a couch potato. I appreciated the little things in life more than ever. I smiled when I felt like frowning. I made mistakes. I lied. I pray. I cared. I expected. I'm damaged. But one of the crucial high light this year was when I reached out and leave my comfort zone to help the helpless.

I made sense to this sensitive world, that's for sure. I'm not irrelevant.

It's almost 2010, well.. almost.

Much has been said,

A Girl Named Mingky and Some Thoughts About Leaving

2009-11-17T02:58:00.001+08:00

with Jana

Val Calinawan ('Mingky' for those who know her from head to toe.)

No. She's not one of my latest acquaintances in Philippine showbizness. She's not someone I met from a bookstore. And definitely not the girl I recently courted. She's primarily my friend who recently went abroad. We were never that close until the last two meet ups with her and Jana made a big difference.

Above photos was taken in Shang two days before Mingky's migration to Long Beach.

She's carefree, a shock absorber by hundreds, a knock-out when it comes to lite or strong conversations, a good Samaritan, a true friend, a youthful soul with an adult heart, commonly mistaken as 14 years old, a music enthusiast, a secret keeper, a diligent student, a simple daughter and sister, and a Koko(name of her cutest puppy) lover. :) She may not be as interesting as it may sound to some, but a person could not deny the kindness and heart she has for the people she truly appreciates.

I don't know why I had a strong emotional attachment to someone who leaves. Probably because I experienced being left behind by those important in my life. My father dearest went to middle east in the eve of my pubescent years. From that day forward, almost everyone I know left this magnificent country or had planned to leave. A temporary goodbye here and there. A couple of type-written Hello's and Hi's afterward. And just last December, before Christmas, my mom and my brother went to the States. And then Neve, once been close to my heart, also went to the States with her family a few months later.

Leaving is not limited to distance. I mostly experienced some friends who left me without saying something. See? Leaving is also a way to get out from emotions or bonds.

A little history about Mingky and I: I met her years ago through Neve. Since then, we talked sensibly and humorously through Yahoo! Messenger. A few years after, she told me about her migration to another country. I didn't took it seriously. Maybe because it's inevitable or maybe I was busy fixing things. Busy chasing pavements.

I'm not regretting nor sad because she left. I was down because it become a constant reminder of me taking for granted the many times she was here. It was too late for me to know her more than just Neve's best bud. She could have been one of my closest kinships as well. I could have been her guitar teacher, right? Or second elder brother. The possibilities of having someone you could share your thoughts and interests with was unlimited as far as friendship was concerned: These were the things I would utter a deepest sigh everyday.

Today and for the rest of my age, I will do my utmost best to show my gratitude, love, appreciation, concern and happiness to the little most important people that surrounds me and will surround me for the next coming years.

I have no problems hearing goodbye's. The worst is saying temporary goodbye's and indirectly forget the people behind. Perhaps it's a prerequisite for having a new life in a new land.

Talents: Where Did It Come From?

2009-11-04T02:10:00.004+08:00

Where do talents come from? A priest will say "it's a gift from up above!", and a scientist will say.. "It's an inherited trait from either one of your parents or relatives."

But what about the kind of talent that made you do it because of a given circumstance? Money. Fame. Family. For personal gain. Trippings. Expression. Love.

Pick a choice.

I, on the other hand, was brought up in a musically inclined father side. Environment, would be the triggering factor for me, I guess. Influences that almost eats the very core of originality in you.

And where do these "gifts", as we say, come from? It's not like you just picked up a guitar-and-start-strumming-and- everything-will-follow kind of scenario for some. The late great Michael Jackson was trained by his father almost all his childhood life. And you'd asked, was the awesomeness and brilliance came from years and years of practice? Just practice and a sacrificed childhood are what it takes to be great?

It starts as a discovery. You soon discovered you can hit a note, hit an empty can without blinking, catch a ball in an amazing graceful way, to speak fluently and manipulatively, to capture a fly in a split second, to calculate a radical number and divide it to cotangent, to think strategically, to love in the most unimaginable way, to shoot a basket without a miss, to listen and comprehend, to trick one's mind, to receive pain and continues to do so, to read a million pages, to write the most moving phrases that you have ever written.

...and then you start to develop it. To hone. To purify it. To accept fate. To accept mistakes. To accept weaknesses. To accept that almost everyone can do what you can do, as well. To accept not that there's an equal born to do what you're doing is foolishness. To be equally unique is a test.

....and you share these unique things you've done.

...until there's nothing left to do but to grow. To grow to something different or something worthwhile. And continue sharing. By how? Teaching. Can we now safely conclude that talents can be passed on? Possibly.

And yet, where do these talents come from? was it an innate sleeping pulse of energy, waiting for a particular thing to happen? Was it from lack of anything to do? Or was it because your parents told you so? Envious for the fact that your siblings and peers can do it, why can't you? Or was it inspiration?

We can always assume that a man is just a man. A chef is just a cook if you leave him in a kitchen. But a cook at night and a musical composer by day will certainly destroy that assumption. I'm trying to analyze myself in terms of composing a song or tune. Mostly, my songs were done by a flick of a thought. It would just come from out of nothing, until a light bulb just appeared from that nothingness, I just switched on that light. But it never stopped there. You'd examine the light bulb, until you're convinced that that light bulb, that idea, is unique. Then you may now start to develop that light bulb into a fluorescent, and that florescent light will become something much bigger. And you'd start sharing that huge fluorescent bulb. Was it also the same as dancing, capture a breath-taking scene or photograph, driving, card playing, eating much, wrote a poem? I don't think so.

I could never answer where or to whom these gifts come from. However I can only have a hint or a guess about these talents:

That it may start from something you love. Or something you're proud of. Or something that makes you, not them, happy. And then you will have control. You will be awed at what you're doing. It is love. Because whatever talent you may have, without that drive, everything would end up as a joke with pun intended.

For the Win

2009-11-02T03:08:00.003+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS to UP DHARMA DOWN for winning Artist of The Year, Album of the year and Vocalist of the year in NU ROCK AWARDS 2009!

We believe.

Cheers!

Brewing Short-lived Relationships

2009-10-11T03:59:00.003+08:00

Since January of this year, the word "short-lived" was very eminent and present. I lost a few from a few true friends I have in a very dramatic yet simple fashion. No wonder misunderstandings are one of the few ingredients for having "short-lived" relationships. You could almost taste the impending drop of every human word that would utter in a split second. Chances and forgiveness are considered rare herbs that you could add up in order for a relationship to simmer and smell that unique blend. It was never a pretty sight when you're into these short-lived ties. Like here you are investing your time, and hoping against hope that every slightest thing you've done was for the better good. Pledging to never sought the downside for them. To sought the worth keeping things that you want them to remember. And sadly, the next thing you know, you're goner and considered a beautiful let down.

I kid myself one time and thinking what if I come up with "warning label" of I in a bullet form in order for each person to accept the future or at least, expects these things from me:

* To the opposite sex: I will not held responsible to my heart. If in the process of friendship I fell in love with you. Don't panic. Don't run. Better yet, don't hide and ignore me. Let's talk.

* I am not a perfect friend. I could be an asshole in one way or another, rest assured I have valid reasons for being one but nevertheless, I will be modest to accept my or your mistakes. Be assured I won't put you into a situation that would make you less of a person. We're humans.

*There would be arguments, misunderstandings, tears, steers and ugly smirks. But that doesn't mean we can't talk about it in a more matured way.

*Let's expect to respect each other from head to toe, shitty times to not-so-happy times, from pondering to just wanting to be alone. This will not make us hurt each other more even if keeping in touch would become a thing of the past.

* I will speak your name in awe and next to cool adjectives and figure of speeches like.. "she's one of the finest!" or "Gago yun pero elibs pa rin ako kasi mahal niya pamilya niya." I will speak highly of you to the closest people that you don't and do know.

*Yes I said, and mean it so much that "I'm here for you." But without the word "every time" on it.

*Let's step back temporarily if we hurt each other one day.

*Forgive. No matter how hard, we'll learn to forgive.

But alas, having these kind of warnings or cautionary measures would might end up being a "survival" guide which I'd rather for them to be lost and know each other as time passes.

Short-lived friendships tastes bad. Kaya kung sino ang mga taong nasa paligid mo na binibigyan ka ng importansiya ngayon, sila ang dapat mong itago ng mahabang panahon. These kind of friends of yours will be so fermented and aged in oak barrels you could almost smell the aromas of the likes from APO Hiking Society or VST & Co. Through think and thin, they were there with each other.

And from this alone, you won't need the extra "F" in BF.

Interlude:

To all the short-lived relationships that I met in the past few months, I'll raise my glass of milk to you all! At least we didn't end up foes. The Earth is already too crowded to keep one.

Help Said by Love to Hope

2009-09-29T01:02:00.004+08:00

I volunteered yesterday morning in Sagip Kapamilya. Mainit sa loob ng warehouse. Pero lahat ng hirap titiisin mo alang alang sa bayan mo. You're figuratively giving your life to thousands of lives who needs hope. I can not just stay at home doing nothing. I need to act. And hence, I got a text message from a friend of mine who thought the same.

Around 8:00 AM, we registered outside the warehouse and wait for our turn to do the repacking of clothes. We were joined by other youths and yuppies and later by nuns from the Religious of the Virgin Mary.

Nasurpresa ako. Hindi mo kilala yung mga katabi mo, pero naiintindihan namin ang ginagampanan naming papel sa ginagawa namin. Umaagos ang pakiramdan na maibsan ang dalamhati ng mga kababayan na nasalanta. The urge to help out was really overflowing in each of us. Walang pasaway. Walang pabida. Lahat tulong-tulong.

To Marikina, Cainta, Pasig, Manila, Rizal, Quezon City and other provinces that singlehandedly deduced by Ondoy's wrath, just hold on. Just hold on. Help is on the way. Please hold on.

Today, I'll be there again early in the morning; willing to do my part to save a soul.

Photo Courtesy of The Associated Press via Yahoo! News.

How to Write A Rock Song in Four Captions

2009-09-17T23:33:00.004+08:00

Read books that suits your current mood. It'll help you with words.

Reminisce somewhere or something or someone. The latter shall be your strongest melody.

Practice with someone. Being emotionally alone would make you warp in agony.

Sing it with such gusto! Sing it in your heart's content! Believe.

Additional notes:

1. Never believe in 'writer's block'. You're writing with your heart and soul; not with reason.

2. Be insane and sane at the same time.

3. The beauty of a song lies within the meaning and truthfulness of each phrase.

4. These captions never guarantees you a spot in Billboard or any pop countdown charts. :)

If I Were To Write My Last Blog Post

2009-09-09T16:41:00.005+08:00

...Pretty much I would be careless. I might just post whatever non-general-life related issue here like I used to. But what if you know that it will be your last? Now we're talking a much deeper issue.

The past few days was a roller coaster. More ups, more middles and much more downs. It's surprising to see that a heart like mine, after all the strangest and breath-taking stunts that had been up to, survived another crazy yet fruitful impact. I often underestimate my capabilities as a survivor. Having been through a lot doesn't only necessarily mean you're strong. It also meant that your weaknesses are your assurances that someone up above loved you beyond everything.

I get tired sometimes. Tired of hearing.. "dadating din siya...". Cliche but true.

Far below from where I had been in so many times now, I grab hold the rope, ascend carefully again, and as I reached the top once more, with a heart that still weakly beats and a soul that keeps on searching, I'll allow myself to fall again. It might not be sooner, but I'll get there. Like a bunjee jumper. You don't care if someone will grab you below. You just jump. The exhilarating feeling would made you wish you'd do it again and again. Like love; You don't stop loving someone. You just have to jump again. And again. And again.

And if I were to write my last blog post, I wanted to be very spontaneous, might have a couple of pictures here and there, and I won't came with a warning. I won't have my last words. I will have wishes and hopes. I won't go delve into the saddest things that made me who I am today. I will nurture every promise, every smile I see on this tiny yellow folder called "My Pictures". I will savor every push of my fingers on the keyboard. Slowly touching the corner of my blogsite as if I'm holding it the first time. Each word will be sufficient to re-read over and over. I would want my blog to be a passion rather than an inspiration.

And at the end of the paragraph I will not express farewell.

I Was Absent When They Discussed...

2009-09-07T21:43:00.002+08:00

...Love is freedom. Freedom is love.

:'-(

Care For A Bottle Or Two?

2009-08-27T02:27:00.002+08:00

Meeting Two Great Women in One Day

2009-08-17T12:51:00.006+08:00

"We have to keep a sense of humility in terms of how we make mistakes". " Esperanza Spalding

I went to Esperanza Spalding's Manila concert in Sofitel Philippines last Saturday. I tell you now, she may not be as bigger as Britney Spears in terms of popularity but this woman rocks the jazz world. Her talent, immeasurable. Her humility, priceless.

Before the concert, Ms. Spalding held a brass clinic and masterclass, since she's the youngest professor in Berklee College of Music in Boston, Massachusetts, she graciously gave us time to teach us, give her insights about her music and ask her questions about her discipline in 7 Picados(A very very posh and expensive bar inside the hotel.) And that was the moment I was officially star-strucked! haha! Siyempre, I didn't waste an opportunity not to ask a question to her. There were two microphones placed in opposite sides. I sat just a few meters away were Ms. Spalding gave her insights and views. She's so cool, composed and fun. Sabi niya "when you play, you need to give the audience the mental preparation first. It's really important. Y'know whatamsayin'?"

The whole experience with Ms. Spalding is unforgettable. This was also my first time to bought a ticket and watch an international jazz artist perform live. Marami ng dumating dito na international artists, but I am more driven to see her.

==============

My morning and in betweens belonged to a loving friend of mine who needed an ear to listen, arms to hug & pat while her whole world's crushing from within. While I listen to her despair and sadness, I ask in me: "This is a woman who's got most of everything in life and have been a good person to all and yet still, experiencing heart aches and accused of so much. Why?"

I've seen her in her worst yet and I've seen her at her best as well. These made her one beautiful human being to be adored at.

Five words for you, my friend: I'll just be right here.

Hayaan mo na muna siya. Live; even if it's hard, just live your life.

Curiosity

2009-08-12T02:59:00.005+08:00

While I was in the reopened and newly furbished Wendy's branch in Cubao, Araneta, I asked a few magnificent friends of mine via SMS this question:

"Curiosity strike me again... Ano sa tingin mo yung isang human emotion na useless or sana hindi na nag exist?"

And interestingly, they responded with gusto! I'd like to share it all their answers.

"Love" - by Calculus

"Pity is useless: Helping someone is better use of energy (though at times people are just being defensive when they say that). Despair drives one to desperation, so that can be dangerous as well." -Pat

"Pride. It destroys everything." - Vayie

Out of five people, only three answered. THANK YOU!!!

As for my answer, I think Love would be the one. It's one of the many human emotions that I regard as simple yet mysterious to comprehend. Love leads to anger, fear, hatred, sadness, death, disappointments if left to lead into a very immature one. But this explanation of mine is notonly limited to comprehension or to what I know. Di ko alam kung paano ko pa ipapaliwanag yung sagot ko e.

However, another set of questions sprang while I thought about it: Can we exist without Love? And does love exist before we actually felt it? Does the lowly caveman thousands of years ago, thought about love as by way of surviving? or by way of providing love for oneself in order to exist?

As for other emotions like hatred, pity, pride, etc., are these rooted to love as well?

Quite.

"Elvish Piper" by Rebecca Guay
(one of my favorite artists of this generation)

Worth Honoring For

2009-08-07T04:07:00.002+08:00

I will love, respect and honor my God, my fellow countrymen and my country, in the very best way I can.

Kayo noon, kami naman po ngayon.

photo: from cali sy's tumblr.

Felix.. What?!

2009-07-26T01:07:00.008+08:00

One fine Sunday with my videoke friends, I spotted a song that made me laugh my stinking ass out...

And I wonder what this song sounds like.

Sorry Felix. Pinoys always have a very naughty (yet nice) passion for life. ;-)

Comeuppance

2009-07-24T16:21:00.003+08:00

Each of us deserves an outcome. It may not matter if it's good or bad as long as it was deserving.

Ignore Is...

2009-07-10T07:25:00.000+08:00

...Just One Push of a Button.

How far will you ignore?

Scenario:

Ronald, a friend yours asked you a big favor that leads to the word help. He's in dire need. He asked you via the very reliable "private messaging" or PM's on one of the largest networking site human race has ever stumbled upon. You, on the other end was contemplating weather to: read it and take no action or read and seek on how to help, or worst, ignore it.

After a day of Ronald's plead for help message, he sees you updating your status almost after 11 hours, updating profiles, answering quizzes (that only makes you feel stupid but consider answering them rather than die in boredom) and up loading pictures every after twenty five minutes.

What kind of a shrewd person are you, doing such ignoring?

-------------

The art of ignoring is so complicated and vast that a number of us right now are very much into it. You ignore a call from your mom whom you consider a nagger and yet you seek her aid every time you do less-human things. You ignore a person who only tries to talk to you decently and humanly. You ignore a person's asking for forgiveness and yet God sees you every Thursday in St. Jude Church asking for hope. You ignore a smile from a stranger that won himself a brand new cellphone after so many years that he or she only wants to share to you his or her celebration by means of beaming. You ignore a pamphlet given to you and you impolitely looks at them in disgust. You ignore a parent's help because as a young adventurous person, you think highly and more self-proficient than them. You ignore and exchange the highest footbridge you ever saw in Edsa and Commonwealth for your life's safety. You ignore a condom because you feel manly without them thus an unwanted child was born and a punch of reality hits you that life is much harder now. You ignore time, because you learn that time was never your comrade.

You ignore much of me because you know to yourself that I can not for you.

And a whole much more of ignoring. Different reasons for different ignoring scenarios.

You can not ignore life forever.

----------

See the picture?

Easy for us to do those "updating" things but to answer something like "Pare, di kita matutulungan e. Pasensiya na." or "I can help but not in a grand scale. But at least I can." is already a burden for their lazy fingers to type. It is always more appreciated when we say no or yes rather than ignore. Was it because you have asked a sign from God and you felt ignored? And to make the world a better place, you ignore people as well? These called "people" that we refer to have a heart, for your information.

As we progress as a person, we also profoundly progress in ignoring much of ourselves.

Heavy Words From A Heavy Film

2009-07-02T01:32:00.001+08:00

Teddy Diaz: Think about this jett.. 'pag may nawala sa isang tao, anong ginagawa?

Jett Pangan: Hinahanap.

Teddy: What if 'di mahanap?

Jett: Pinapalitan.

Teddy: What if 'di mapalitan?

Jett: Kinakalimutan...

Teddy: Last question, ano ang gagawin if yung nawala, ay hindi mahanap, hindi mapalitan at hindi makalimutan?

Jett: Tatanggapin...

excerpt from 2006 Cinemalaya best picture: "Tulad Ng Dati"

Today, I Lost a Friend.

2009-06-19T02:10:00.003+08:00

I'll tell you why life is unfair: No matter how good you are as a person, but when you pulled up just one mistake, just one mistake, just one freaking mistake, you will crumble and your knees will surely kiss the pavement faster than a tear manages to escape in your tear ducts.

I lost a friend today. A very very important friend of mine.

Today, I learned a whole new meaning of losing such a friend.

And it took a deep breath for me to accept that it was my fault and forgiveness is no where to be found.

It hurts. Big time. Like a surgery without anesthesia. Because when you nurtured a friendship, there's no way you'll be emotionally unattached to it and you'll eat the meaning of the word 'importance' from day one.

I never meant this to happen, but still, if only I... sigh.

Dear Mrs. Clockwork,

What could I possibly offer you to make you bring back the time? I am not good at fixing things but I could change. If you could just allow me three days back, I'll be your slave for good. But what good should I be for you? You're always on the run, never waits and you make things complicated due to the deadly 'dead lines'.

Just three days.

Please,

Ccigaux

(p.s. she's important to me like gears and springs are for you)

Meddling the Middle

2009-05-28T16:24:00.004+08:00

If you're in the middle, you're definitely not the center.

Being in the middle is described as either you're a peace maker or a peace bender.

Being in the middle doesn't make you entirely an equalizer.

Because of the fact that you were in the middle of something important to say, you mostly forget it or probably you decline to say it due to the effect of what's coming after you've said something.

Standing on the edge between crazy and sense are more self-satisfying rather than being alone at your car and in the middle of nowhere.

Living in the middle makes you learn to play safe.

You're mostly in between worst case scenarios. (e.g. both parents scolding at you, problems at home and problems at work, sitting in the middle with lovers at both sides, love triangles, etc.)

Most probably, you're living in extremes if you consider yourself a middle man.

You prefer two things rather than choosing just one or worst not choosing at all.

There's a pleading kid at the middle ready to accept both love of a fighting live-in partners.

There's an unborn child between two kids who forgot to wear a condom.

Peace signs for the believers, middle fingers for the losers.

Anatomically, you can never see a part of your body positioned centrally. Either you found it asymmetrically or in the middle.

Being in the middle tends you to be ordinary as far as the extreme people would say. Middle-rs have the power to be on the other extreme sides or not to be with both.

Right now, you're in the middle of something you want to put in the comment box. :)

Let It Be

2009-05-05T22:31:00.003+08:00

If I let things be, that doesn't necessarily mean I surrendered. Nor I agree to the circumstances. I have an option to fight or to run. But I also have an option not to pursue. I let things be and permit the current to drag me while I float away. When an important figure in your life built an uncompromising wall, I'll make myself a ladder from what remains to be the remains of burnt twigs and smoldering chains. And I don't care if it would take time. It will take time.

Minsan, sa buhay, kahit wala kang kasalanan, kahit buong buhay mo naging mabait ka sa madla, most people would still make you feel you wished you never exist.

That's how the world works sometimes.

Sigh.

-----

A Prayer For A Friend's Beloved: I am asking you all to please pray for Acey's, (a long time blogger friend of mine) boyfriend, who recently found out that he has a cancer. Ms.Acey, hold on. Alright?

1 message received

2009-04-28T23:16:00.003+08:00

In lieu of Mother's Month on May, I decided to spoil that event and just share what I have received last 18 April, on a beautiful yet exciting saturday. I was in the mall competing on a tournament.

I was playing a card game (refer photo above) when I received a text message from our mother, which is now in California with my young brother. They went there December last year.

What I read made me smile. That even if I lost on that tournament(I placed 92 out of 135 players ), my day was filled with enthusiasm and cheers, that no sad thoughts could punch my mind and pierce my heart. My ears are filled with good music.

Here's the exact message from my mom, which I find it surprising in a good way:

mama_dear: Hello ank i mssd u so much, pls work on your birth certificate together with ur kuya gavin. I mssd d two of u. Take care and GOD BLESS.

Simple? Yeah. Why am i surprised, if you may asked? Because I know our mom very well. She's not the typical mother who is wordy and emotional when it comes to her sons. A strong woman with a bunch of extraordinary experiences being a pre-school teacher. Sometimes, mababaw ang luha. But she's rarely sweet especially on text messages.

A heart melted that day. It was mine.
Someone was smiling all throughout that day. And it was I. :)

Life is...

2009-04-24T15:53:00.007+08:00

...only as good as the memories we make." -The Ataris

This single line from the song "So Long, Astoria", depicts how powerfully depressing memories could be. Especially if you're trying to muster one fine happy thought that may conjure a Patronus. We all have just a few happy thoughts e. Why's that? But on the lighter note, it also shows what we were before. It makes you re-asses things clearly, and you'll eventually say.. "Ahh.. ganito pala ako noon?" It will also make you ask, "does life way much better now than 10 years ago?"

As I looked at these memories printed on a glossy paper, I can't help but to compare the one smiling before me and the one who's holding the photo and thinks that he could have pass for "That's My Boy" contest...

...only if I was brave enough to ask my Ama to bring me to the studio. but the problem would be...

Joey De Leon: Ano talent mo, Hijo?
The 6 years old me: Wala po.
Joey De Leon: E ba't nandito ka?
The 6 years old me: Kasi po wala ako doon. :-D

Sigh, the shulda, wulda, culda's of life. :-)

I believe that every person has this one shot to become someone more than just his/her usual self.

------

I wondered, what if there's no such thing as memories?

Describe Your Summer In One Word...

2009-04-15T13:37:00.002+08:00

There's something about summer that makes summer so immaculate.

A three hour drive from Manila to the destination beach? It could be.
The scorching heat? Probably.
The safety roads on the way or way back home? That's one.

But one thing's for sure that I notice to each and every one of us who experienced summer,
its fullness of life...

I will no longer wonder why people in this 7, 100 plus islands are so insanely excited about
summer. And it may be Holy week, but I'm sure that our dear Lord up above have given us
whole year (minus 7 days) to make pain-driven sacrifices and remember His Son, our Savior, in exchange for a week with family and friends...

Yet, there's always an option for you to go alone...

Or get lost somewhere...

Or just surrender your shades...

And be a hermit...

Who wants to be alone on a summer, anyway?

-Overture-

I believe that the closest thing to be with God is to be with mother nature.

I regard summer as an escape to the inescapable turns of my life. That was before I had been humidified by the saltiness of the sea, held my seat on a vehicle due to a hundred and fifty kilometers per hour speed, and by the smell of sunblock on my skin.

Summer should never ever be an escape.

IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

This is us grabbing life the way He wants us to spend it...

And...
this is me...

...reaching the happy clouds, unrelenting sun and the thoughts of not being there, and

wishing you were here...

Surely there's something about my summer that makes my summer so divine and worth thanking for...

My dear speed-loving buddy, you have so many friends and it means a lot that I got this rare chance to be with you, guys!

What a road trip we had way back! Way back home concluded the trip in a very unique fashion: having an eye for photography, creepy eerie roads, nasty windshield and a car radiator that made us anxious! :)

and of course.. the 90's pop music... lol!

in these photos: Cali, Joan, Dennis and Yours truly.

Why is that..

2009-04-05T20:40:00.000+08:00

......most of your friends only take time to see the importance of a person when they're not there anymore?

Take Time To Realize A Person's Worth While They're Still Around.

And respect those people who find time for you in their busy schedule. But love unconditionally those people who never see their schedule when you need them.

Wanted: Guitarist..

2009-04-03T22:35:00.001+08:00

My amateur band, Epic Proportions, is in dire need of a guitarist...

Qualifications:

1. with or without experience in gigs
2. BUT has a passion for playing music and
experimentation.

3. Preferably female.
4. Knows how to sing.
5. Has her own electric and acoustic guitar and
effects.
6. Lives within Quezon City, Manila and Makati
areas.

We are not dissing out any particular genre. Kahit ano genre na tinutugtog mo, okay lang yan.

For interested people, please drop me a message and leave your contact number.

If you, the reader, knows someone who would like to join a starting band like us, then give me a message as well.

THANKS!

Epic Proportions

I Want This Album.. NOW!!!

2009-04-02T23:44:00.000+08:00

Sinong may album nito? Peram!!! or.. saan nakaka bili? WAAHHH!!!
ANG GALING!!

I'll Post some of their songs!

Instrumentalism

2009-03-18T01:59:00.005+08:00

"Empress Of The Sky" - Epic Proportions

"Empress Of The Sky"© in A Flat.
by Epic Proportions
arranged by Ccigaux A. Adona

This is an instrumental piece I made while contemplating to the different yet frequent thoughts of dawn til the morning sky greets you. On becoming insomniac, one might misconstrued by anyone that being on thoughts and sleeping late is debilitating. I, for once, used my talent to forcedly gather sound, emotion and the environment to come up an instrumental track. However the thing about this piece of musical structure is I'd like the listener to ponder about being an Empress of the sky just for once.

I took emphasis on the word "empress". It could have been "queen" but for some personal reasons, I researched for another synonym. And thus the title.

Perhaps, one way or another, we've treated someone like an empress. May it be a friend who happens to be in need of someone to talk to, or a haggard mother of 10 kids who's been treated to a salon for a complete make over, a father came home from work restless and his son or daughter helped him by carrying his slippers; a wife cooking her husband's favorite dinner; a special someone that no matter who they are or what they were, he or she will be treated like a delicate glass angel from the sky. These simple everyday scenario binds us all to just care for each other. In the absence of words and time, we are bound to show it in deeds. And in my case, I used music to describe how I care for a person. Because words sometimes, are never enough.

Heto dapat yung maging attitude natin sa kahit kanino; sa kapwa, sa bansa at sa Diyos, we need to CARE for anyone around us and make it in the context of"sky's the limit." :)

ENJOY!

this goes out to Usy. :)

photo by jerelyn "lentot" jacildo

The Week: In Photos And In A Few Words

2009-03-16T02:04:00.005+08:00

The week had been poured out by a number of mixed emotions. Several days of sleepless 5am's due to excessive thinking. God bless you three, (Usy, Binibini, and Mais) for sharing your time with me. Each of you have been there, just when I needed each of you most.

I also had a doze of misunderstandings days ago. But the point is, each of us never got too petrified with the situation. At the end of the day, we've held our peace signs and said our apologies. :) If only we're both leaders of each nations, perhaps it could have been one of the most historical, funny, honest and influencial peace talks this world had ever witnessed.

I decided to put up photos to represent the week that was.

My band and I are temporarily escaping 12drtyfngrs due to our vocalist who's still in the middle east making himself more darker than ever. hehe! So, we three, decided to do my own songs for awhile. And we named our band "Epic Proportions". That's also the name I put when I wrote songs and poems. Wish us LUCK!! Yes, that photo above is a playing card. I play Magic:The Gathering since '96. But that's another story I would post next time. :)

Entertainment Live again with my barkada. It was the birthday celebration for Bianca. I could never say "no" to her birthday. Even if I'm having a pound of abdominal cramps that day.

It's a simple shirt, really. But the essence of each symbol and the phrase below are something worth wearing for.

Big Huggable Bear for the Birthday Birl! Would a girl liked me if I gave her this size of a stuff toy? hehe! :)

I can proudly say that we were one of the first few fan friends of Bianca back then. And seeing it grew from less than 10 to more than 10, now that's always gonna be something to smile about! Hands down to Kate, Monica, Ka, Bhitz and the rest of the guys who made Bianca smiling and singing happy tunes all month long! Or perhaps all year! :)

oOo

From what I saw on each of the photos above, I think I saw bright lights once again. Thank Heavens! I feel so alive today!

Thanks to Ka' for these photos! :)

Some Are Hurt And Start To Cry....

2009-03-08T13:52:00.003+08:00

....Don't ask me how don't ask me why.- F.M.

This is the comment I made on Russ' post about pareng Kiko Magalona. Because she said well what we really wanted to say in these times of sadness.

----

Indeed. I grew up with what he's fighting for and live for. His songs are always will push you to do the right stuff kahit mahirap. I can say I am also one of those living testimony of his songs. And I will still continue what he's implying all day to the "kabataan".

I just can't believe that I would live this young to see him passed away. A person like him deserves to live long. But who are we to decide? Masakit at wala na siya. Ayaw ko naman magpaka plastic at sabihing hindi ako apektado sa pagkawala niya. But I am. Like each person who've only been tapped on the back by his music. His living ideas. His passion for this country.

And I once visited his multiply site last night and saw his photos na super nakaka iiyak din. Kasi he was fighting for his life.

I feel you ms.russ. Don't be bothered kung exaggeration yun. Marami tayong nalungkot. Like people who wept for FPJ, Rico Yan, Rudy Fernandez and others that truly inspired by one.

We'll gonna see him up there in time.

Heart Evangelis..uhmm..Heart Evacuation

2009-03-04T02:30:00.008+08:00

Failures after failures of attempted to love and be loved, I guess it's time for me to pull off this tired heart and throw it in Manila Bay. There's a use for it for fishes who eat unsweetened meat.
I'm better off without it.

It's time to sacrifice you, dear old weak heart for a higher purpose; for a higher and greater understanding. Your supply of Unoxygenated Blood also feels fed up with you. Lungs and Brains unanimously voted to evict you; and your fellow Lub-dub Band, together with your supportive BFF, Sir Bad Cholesterol. Too bad, your Myocardial-ed skin are already tearing off. Poor old Aorta will come off with you as well.

Fare thee well, my beloved.

We're all gonna miss you,

Greenmangoes at Ang Mga Laman Loob

p.s. a photo does not lie. even the pic above with you made us see your pale colour. :(

Alt+Ctrl+Delete

2009-02-22T00:03:00.004+08:00

I'm relearning to unlove you now.

---------

My friend and I had a conversation once, and it goes something like this:

"Ano yung natutunan mo sa kaniya?"

I pondered for a while and answered:

"I learned (from her) that I am capable of doing something awesome."

"And what is that?"

"Loving someone."

"Ganun?! Kaya naman ng iba yan ah."

"Maybe. But if I were to choose something that I'm good at, my answer would still be the same."

----------

HAPPY tweny second BIRTHDAY to our dear friend,

Ms. Michelle Celine Sy

One of the world's finest and sought-after chef we ever met! naks! :)

I bought a beer for this day, mate! Here's to love, life, words, cigarettes, and dogs!

cheers!

Ten in One

2009-02-14T22:31:00.003+08:00

Forget about being single this V-day.

Today, I went out with 10 extremely gorgeous women. And it is only humbling to name one of the few of them here due to their utmost sincerity, hilarity and uniqueness. Oh, bless them for being them! I felt loved!

Cheekbones - cheers to life and for being one of the most unpredictable friend I ever met. I am missing you right now, like the lighter's flame misses the end part of a cigarette.

Enerual - You're an amazing listener and observer. I am looking forward to hear a lot from you again in coffee sessions. I am missing you right now, as well.

Etak - Thank you for the patience and understanding. Thank you for the silent big efforts you've made. You're appreciated silently.

Ka' - Your camera still amuses me every time I see myself and 'B' in it. hehe! I miss our bubbly chats on the phone. Talk to you soon!

Blair Waldorf - I am always under complete appreciation with your powerful presence. Thanks!

NurseGoingRiyadh - I admire your brave spirit on taking a great journey in the middle e. Bless you. Never forget my foot size is 6. :)

Snake-Skinned Host - Lovely to see you again! You never failed to make me feel like a school boy who giggles a lot every time I am so close to you. :)

and to 3 others that I would like to apologize for not remembering your names as we were only aquainted with short laughters and applauses. See you next time.

How to Say Good Bye In Two Easy Steps

2009-02-04T10:43:00.004+08:00

Step 1: Say "Hello!".

Step 2: Say "Sorry.".

But wait! There's more!

Comment now and you'll receive a limited edition DVD of "Good Bye As a Form of Art".

*Batteries not included. Each sold separately. Ages 5 & Up.

How Ironic.

Match the Following

2009-01-17T02:13:00.009+08:00

and someone really hit an effort to change her answer.
which was still wrong, unfortunately.

I was asked by my mom to type her Christian Living Exam for High School a month ago and out of being "maloko" in me and for the heck of it, I put some optional answers to make the exam fun and interesting. Make sure you take a closer look to their answers. Enjoy!

take a look at number 54 and the answer. hahahaha! o diba?! panalo!

OMG ka diyan!

:) beri gud! lol!

i am so sure it made your heart smile the hell out of you. haha!

huh?!

tanongin ba naman ang tanong?

hahaha! do fishes have wings?! haha!

Cullen as St. Elizabeth's feast day? Kelan pa?

nope. up dharma down is not a wicked city.

yeehee! kinilig. :)

say what?

dharma as a sensible sign.

the clear direction.

the clear options

hmm.. dharma as a vision?

close but not close enough

Additional Notes: May 23 is my Birthday and July 22 is my mom's birthday.

Just An Achievement.

2009-01-05T00:12:00.007+08:00

first communion circa nineteen ninety something.

My achievement of the year:
Attended all Sunday Masses of 2008.
I NEVER MISSED A SINGLE SUNDAY. PRAMIS.

I dunno. Kapag ordinary day, tinatamad ako. Pero pag Sundays, nako! Kahit umuulan, sinisipag ako magsimba. :)

But the most outstanding achievement, really, is just being with Him everyday. Each Sunday was filled with unsurmountable joy. Lalo na kapag yung Homilee ay nakakatawa't puno ng aral. Try Christ The King, E.Rodriguez 6pm Mass. And you'll see why your Sundays will never be the same again. :)

What did I get in return? Everyday. :)

Again, What did I get in return? EVERYDAY. ;)

Capiche?

And That's How We Spell Happiness

2008-12-26T00:37:00.010+08:00

My momma always says "charity begins at home". I've never grasp the true meaning of it until I attended a short notice but planned Christmas party with my friends and together with the kids of Tuloy sa Don Bosco. This was the first time I attended such a fulfilling party. Christmas belongs to kids and to the kids at heart. :)

I met Carlo, a child formerly making bones in the streets of Manila. Found a home in the south. Met friends and eventually happy eating spaghetti and chicken with someone from the north. He loves math, praying before and after meals and basketball. These were enough for us to become friends.

and if charity begins at home, we can find happiness in the spirit of giving.

the joy of opening a gift given by a stranger in a far away place...

the giver who've found sense by sharing one Christmas with another. Me and Carlo.

then i was a kid again, like Carlo. It was magical! Pouring out sweat in a game which adults shall never understand.

Imagine this picture 20 years ago. Would our smiles be different in spite of our ages? Our smiles will still be the same as before.

We cherished our lives by seconds, minutes and hours. We've treasured not the sadness. But the number of times that you've been appreciated, loved and accepted.

Childhood was never forgotten by time. Time forgets that childhood belongs to anyone.

Along the way, we find friends that eventually become either a sister or a brother.

Such great things can never be outdone in distance. Especially if both sides have done significant things through such minimal chances. Indeed, it is, the time that we have given to a person that makes that person so important.

A pinch of happiness can be seen in the littlest corners of your smile.

You will stop becoming a child when you called the thing above my head as a party hat, instead of a Grimace name tag hat. Or worst, if you only saw a hat instead of an elephant swallowed by a boa constrictor. :)

Photos courtesy of venice furio, karen posadas and mabel.

Share the Music, Save the world.

2008-12-13T00:49:00.000+08:00

angelslashbutterfly - epic proportions

©"Angel/Butterfly"
by Epic Proportions
Words & Music: Ccigaux Adona
Sometime in May, 2008

This is us, like a million words of poetries
We're lost for thoughts and creativity

This is me, conjuring all the feelings
Summing up this rare chance of bravery

Then This is you, like an angel slash butterfly
Unreachable and yet sublime

I wasn't really planning to reveal it
I was hoping I can shoo this off away
But this kind of unrelenting feelings
Just needs to be heard, needs to be said

I'll create another day
For you to hear what I would say
Wait, I need to hesitate
Coz things will never be the same

If I tell the truth, I'll be free
But you might get mad at me
Perhaps I'll take that risk
Than be haunted with regrets

This is you, like a thousand splendid roses
Colorful and so divine

Then This is me, silenced from all the beauty
My heart beats so irregularly

And this is us, surrounded by these fictions
I wish to become the words to your blank pages

I loved you months ago
Now you know, time for me to go
I know it sucks. It's the end of me
So long, farewell, be happy

I, alone, adored you so
From your best to worst and so much more
La La La La La
So long, farewell, be happy...................

Myself In A Different Section of a Train

2008-12-09T01:22:00.010+08:00

I live by the rules of MRT. So if the rule for the first two train cars are only for women, a person with disabilities, pregnant, aged and children below 8 accompanied by a parent or two, then I shall abide.

Last Sunday, I went to Rock the Riles 08, a celebration for human rights week, to watch Terno bands in Ayala station. After Updharmadown's set, my friend Bel and I went home. Thus, we went down to wait for our train. She choose to go to the train cars for women. I was about to go to the "sardines" section of the train when she asked me to join her instead. A law-abider side of me came to my senses and refused. But she said it was okay as long as "may kasama kang babae". Trusting her word, I joined her there and talked without worrying that security guards who're just around the corner.

And the train stopped and we jumped in.

We continued talking until we finally reached her stop. We said our good-byes and I was left alone with all the women in different ages. I felt weird. It's like I'm in a world where men are weak and dominated by women; where men are far lesser in terms of numbers. I become an extinct sort of animal. It wasn't a good scene, you know. When you're there, a lone man in the sea of females. It's all eyes on you. There was this teenager girl kept on looking at me; perhaps seeking what physical deformity or disability I may posses. She might thought what on earth does a man like me doing in there. The cold air conditioning doesn't help to ease the uneasyness.

A part of me wanted to jump off to the next stop and ride to where I'm supposed to be. I was also thinking of an excuse if a She-Guard would ask me or scold me for not following a simple rule. Sort of things were running inside my lunatic brain. Like:

a. Mag panggap na Ngo-ngo
b. Mag panggap na Bingi (Deaf)
c. Mag panggap na babae na nagpatanggal ng dib-dib
d. Mag hanap ng nanay na magpapanggap na nanay mo
e. Magpanggap na pilay

Thank goodness. I never did any of the above mentioned choices. Whew!

In the end, I just shrugged off all eyes piercing me. I put up a decent "I don't care" attitude and waited for my stop, Cubao. But mind you, it was really lonely and I felt uneasy when you're surrounded by different women around you.

Ganun pala yung nararamdaman ng isang babae being sardined with all of us men on a train.

The Pages Will Shorten The Distance Between

2008-12-01T03:32:00.009+08:00

Last two weeks ago, I received this from a fellow book moocher, Cassandra from Chicago. Oh the spirit of giving! I was surprised when I got it. I was half-expecting it'll be lost in mail or something. But bless you Mr.Postman! Whoever you are!

It may not be a new copy but the feeling of receiving something from a far or from a newly acquainted book lover like myself is very fulfilling! Like an answered grace from up above!

I was smiling the whole day. Thanks, Cassandra! Though we're miles a part, the pages of this book will be a reminder that we're just a page a way. :) Bless you! I'll definitely going to do the same!

-------

If you don't have any idea about book mooch, then do click me.

Anatomy of a Wallet

2008-11-17T18:11:00.000+08:00

I think the saying "Show me your wallet and I will tell you who you are." might somehow be applicable to who i am, pocket-ly speaking, of course.

This map was given to me by Kay, an awesome friend of mine from college. She took time to draw this thing hurriedly yet in detail. Sweet. For a person to avoid being lost, a map is something precious. I consider this symbolic. And she told me to keep it, thus I did. Up to this day.

ID's which I never surrendered to my college. I can't surrender something I payed for. Oh and don't mind the SM ADVANTAGE card here. hehehe!

Guitar Picks! Go figure!

And here's all of what supposed to be the internal things you can find in my wallet. From the upper corner you'll notice an ID which was given to me, or rather we 'switched' ID's when she was here in the country for a vacation. You can also notice from above:

An MRT Ticket, PowerBooks Powercard, VideoCity, Timezone, Un-renewed RedCross Basic Life Support ID, A Riyal, 500 Peso bill(Pambayad utang), An arcade's token, and Our Lady of Miraculous Medal. Some I need not to include are: my parent's photos and a photo of myself together with Iya, BenchFIX calling card, and a list.

Other than those, nada. Sorry for those people who expected a CONDOM or two here. haha! I told you I'm a half-priest, half saint, half human. :) Let's reserve that for another topic.

As I see it, I am slightly disorganized and sentimental. I'm usually broke yet a family loving person. I dunno if my wallet can describe the affairs of my heart as of today. hahaha!

Now, I leave you all the judgement of who I am. ;)

Love According To Calculus

2008-11-13T03:55:00.002+08:00

This was created by a friend of mine who likes to be known only as Calculus.

Love is like mathematics. It is confusing.

Love is like a + b = b + a. It is commutative.

Love is like a + (b + c) = (a + b) + c. It is associative.

Love is like a(b + c) = ab + ac. It is distributive.

Love is like 0 divided by 0. It is indeterminate.

Love is like the square root of 2. It is irrational.

Love is like the limit of 1/x as x approaches 0. It is infinite.

Love is like the limit of polynomial functions. It is continuous.

Love is like an inverse of a matrix. It is unique.

But most of all, love is like division by zero. It is undefined

From the www.gjiya.proboards18.com archives..

Listahan

2008-11-04T03:47:00.003+08:00

I was inspired by the film, The Bucket List. But why wait for a terminal illness to strike you before doing a list? The best time is NOW.

Bipolar: A Review

2008-10-31T05:56:00.005+08:00

Category:	Music
Genre:	Indie Music
Artist:	Up dharma Down

Audibly stunning!

I am trying not to exaggerate my review on this beautiful album. Call me biased since I'm a fan of this group ever since their first album, Fragmented. I can't help not to praise it.

Three years in the making. Well-written words, the musical arrangement is excellent; everything in it is a masterpiece. I think I could never encounter such great an album as this one in this lifetime. An instant classic!

Should I be a failure as a reviewer of an album if I can't see a flaw, then so be it.

---
(this is available only from the limited edition package)

Apart from the album itself is the documentary entitled "On Either Side", Directed by Keith Tan. It featured each member's opinion about the album, and the music they wanted to contrive and share. Capturing the essence of creating a good album artistically done through less talk and more music. It's like every background music the director put it was what the band's speaks of for a particular question or feelings.

----

10 songs that embraces every inch of what you feel, 4 instrumentals that would take you to an aesthetical world, packaged in the most unique way and a documentary that might change your view towards OPM in a positively and artistic way; You could never ask for more. :)

Tell Santa or your friends from the Nightmare Before Christmas characters to save you one now!

Go here for more info on how to score the limited ed. album:

http://www.updharmadown.com

----

Track List:

1. Blessed
2. Clockwork
3. Delayed Breathing
4. All Year Round
5. Taya
6. Unspoken Definites
7. The Cold Is Warmth
8. Two
9. Sana
10. Return, Saturn, Return
11. Every First Second
12. Furnace
13. Silid
14. Sugarcoats & Heartbeats

---

photo above courtesy of www.updharmadown.com

Sana

2008-10-26T03:49:00.006+08:00

"Ako, sila'y nandito na. IKAW na lang ang kulang. Anong lunod o lalim ba't di na lang lumutang? Anong pait ang matamis at aking susubukan? Anong silbi ang NARITO kung di mo na kailangan?"
-'Sana' by UpdharmaDown

Last song syndrome, since I left awe-srucked by their performance last Friday on the launch of their new album "Bipolar". Man, this is music in the most brilliant form!

***

ms.acey! i was about to call you when my phone went off. so that you'd hear them play. i hope you'll grab an album right after they hit music stores there! if you love Fragmented, you'll definitely going to embrace Bipolar more. and i guarantee you, it's like a new first album of dharma. :)

30 Lives!

2008-10-21T16:23:00.002+08:00

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start

Sana may cheat code sa larangan ng pag ibig.

However, it will be senseless to spend the remaining 29 lives if you're alone. Imagine going alone in the outskirts of a vast jungle, picking up guns for you to survive up to the last stage. It takes two to tango as the old saying says. And No. You are not like Mario to stand all by yourself to face King Koopa.

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start

One day, it will happen: Someone will push the "select" button for you.

And together, even if without the cheat code, As long as she'll fight with you side by side, you'll going to make it.

Bipolar

2008-10-15T02:06:00.004+08:00

I halted all my thoughts about neve and the things that I can do to help, in my little ways, about the financial crisis, to publicly and proudly announce this:

Highly anticipated and much awaited album of the year. :)

more details? CLICK ME

Seek Help and You Will Find It

2008-10-10T02:10:00.006+08:00

Time is a luxury I can't afford.
And frankly, hope is already thin.
She's leaving for the States.
I dunno when.
Perhaps I got a week or two to prepare.
No. This is not about winning her heart now. It's too late for that.
This is about a different kind of heart.
The kind of heart you'll have for her in a given situation.
That despite of declaration of love and separation, you'll still
pour out love that's duly given to her.
That in spite of it all, it's not what you'd become when she leaves that would matter,
it's what you've done to show what sincere love really is.

That according to the Bible, love never fails.

This is about love in the most splendid way.

What I got is NOW. I got nothing left to lose. It's already been a lose-lose situation ever since. Pero tinuloy ko pa rin. E mahal mo e. Yun 'yon.

Guys and girls! I need you to answer this question. It will really really help me. promise.

For Guys:
What's the (positively) craziest thing you did or will do for love?

For Girls:
What would be the craziest thing you wanted or wished a guy would do for you in the name of love?

please... this is crucial for me. And all of your suggestion/s will matter.

Thank you all! Wish Me Luck.

And wish me luck sana di niya mabasa ito. haha! She doesn't blog hops here. Or so I thought.

Apparently

2008-10-02T00:31:00.005+08:00

Happy and sad at the same time.

Happy because you thought of her almost every after an hour. You thought of her whenever you were caught alone inside a fast food chain with lots of couples around you. You are unaware that your last MRT stop had just passed two stations away. And never you will mind the fuss of riding back again and waiting for a new train on a rush hour. People will see you smiling amidst the heavy rain and lack of discipline towards motorists. And you shall never give a shit. Yes, smiling, chuckling for a second. It's as if someone pinched one of your funny bones. Never you will mind the foul smell of someone sitting beside you. Nor the fare ride change you received from unscrupulous tricycle drivers. Nor their excuse.. "Wala akong singkwenta centavos, bossing e." and say "Ayos lang."

You will finally brought up an excuse to make your own world happily go around. It's crazy when you do nice things when you're in love. It's not that I was a bad person. It's just that... well, you know what I mean.

And the only therepy to this kind of disease is S.T.W.H. (Spending Time With Her)

But how? Suggestions, anyone?

Sad. Because you can't do anything about it as of yet. You just need to bear the thought of having one way communication. Call her? Hmm... Not my thing.

Missing someone so badly is synonymous to ten thousand sighs per hour.

And apparently, it all comes down to this five cliched words:

I hate to admit it but yes,

I miss you so much.

The Same The Same

2008-09-18T00:54:00.000+08:00

Question: Have you asked yourself, what if you have a long lost twin out there? What would you most likely feel when both of you will meet someday? Weird. Akala natin, unique tayo. We were all wrong.

I had a classmate, when I was in high school, and we looked (in comparison) the same. Maybe due to the eyes, nose, shape of the face? I dunno. But it was fascinating. Mas hawig ko siya comparing to my own biological brothers.

I have a younger and an older brother but we lack the sameness. We all even had different height and weight:

These friends of mine are lucky to have a twin from the showbiz world:

ashley and iya villania. both friends of mine who haven't met yet.

mish, a friend of mine who always been mistaken either as a Korean or from that celebrity.

Pero heto yung matindi. People who weren't celebrities at all. People just like you, and these are my friends that weren't even related to each other at all:

the girl who wore pink and the girl who had that "roar!" look, are my friends from different regions. Believe it or not, they're not all related to each other. To each other. That's right. Even ms.pink and her two friends are not related to each other.

hepe(pink) and vayie(black). one is a friend of mine from up dharma down yahoo groups. and vayie, a blogger friend of mine. Another example of "not related to each other" answer.

Sigurado ba kayong mga anak kayo ng nanay at tatay niyo? wehehe!
I guess this is a proof that we are all came from Adam and Eve.

Kayo? sino hawig niyo?

My Name Is Solo, Han Solo

2008-09-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

(don't mind the time and date of this blog in blogger. i finished this at around 1:08AM, Sunday Sept.14, 2008)

Originally, I will meet someone and spend the rest of the sunny gloomy day in a near by mall. However, she had plans. :-( so I went alone and braved the Saturday in full force. Why? Because I had no plans to stay at home all day thus the adventure began.

First was the haircut to one of my long time stylist. I thought a hair cut might kill the frustration and loneliness. But it didn't. Yes it made me feel alright just an hour or two. I miss the barbershop. When I was a kid, our father would brought us to the end of our street barber shop that has some bold star calendars around the walls. It's one of the, I think, "macho" image of these brute barbers. Or perhaps those calendars are one of the stationary "offered" services aside the massages and shaving. That barber shop introduced me to Christina Gonzales and Gretchen Baretto. But mind you, mas chismoso ang mga barbero kaysa sa mga stylist. The talks would go from Politics, sports, politics, sabong, jueteng and politics and showbiz. Minsan, pinag uusapan ng mga barbero ang mga tungkol sa kapitbahay at usapan sa AM radio. While Stylists today, like the ones in Bench Fix Salons, had been to several seminars to become top notched hair dressers...

Stylist: Chigo, tapos na.
Me: ay! salamat Sir!

Went to the receptionist/cashier to pay the 3 digit amount. My goodness. Perhaps my old barber will finally have a reunion with my hair after so long.
Scary.

Since I love to read novels I checked out national bookstore's sale books section. I found some of my interesting titles and authors however I didn't crave in and bought them. My heart just won't crave for something for that time due to the point that I was alone. Books failed to give a smile on my face. Pity. The books were shouting "Buy Me! Buy Me!" at me. Sigh, not this time, fellas. Maybe next time.

Next stop, Greenhills. While on a jeepney, it's crazier to think that the whole world conspired to make fun at you. You see people with someone, clasping hands, embracing, kissing and some couples would smile at you. Shit. I went off, grab my fare ride and went to another jeepney. But have I been in a worst case scenario?! Now, the radio will kill you with love songs. I tried to ignore it and exclaimed on my mind "Somebody... save me!"

While on Greenhills, a horde of love teams from all sides of the mall were on me.
I'd felt the worst, for the life of me. Yes indeed.

I went to McDonald's since I left home skipping lunch. While on the line, I read the menu. A week ago, I was craving for the double cheeseburger meal. But the one meal that called my attention was the happy meal. Since I'm in pursuit of happiness, I would gladly want one. I roamed around and seek some kids ordered a happy meal. Yes they were happy due to the star wars toy but they're kids. Kids love toys. And I doubt if my loneliness will lowered down due to a toy or the meal itself.

Cashier: Sir! Good evening! May I take your orders, Sir?
Me: Yes, Good evening! Is the happy meal would make me feel happy? I badly need one. (then gave her the serious but polite look)
Cashier: Sir, I'm sorry. It's not a contentment meal, Sir. And there's a note below on that meal that says: "No Therapeutic Claims"
Me: Hmm... Sounds delicious.

***

Cashier: Ehem! Sir? Sir? Yung order niyo po?
Me: Ha?! Ah.. isang double cheese burger meal. :) Go Large na! I mean.. Go Bigtime na. :) (Sabay kamot sa ulo) (Napangiti na lang ang kahera.)

While seated in the corner of a four chaired set, I can't help but to notice the difference between being alone and being with someone. Practically everyone inside have someone. Either a friend, a loved one, a father with his two kids, barkada, or an old lady with her cane. Ako? All I have was a book, a meal and two cellphones. I tried thinking that these things were here for me, pero iba pa rin yung may kasama ka talaga. Sharing the laugh, old new times, unsolved problems, the future or just random facts or fictions.

I got tired of thinking the could have beens and the should have beens. So I ate.

Afterwards, went to Krispy Kreme for a coffee and donut. The ambiance of the old McDonald's was getting heavier due to the rain and thunderstorms above my head and Mariah Carey hits!

A consolation prize from above? A free glazed donut from Krispy Kreme! :) It was a timing thing when they lighted up the sign at the window. :)
I read my book, sipping coffee and tried to get loose in Patricia Highsmith's "Ripley's Game".

Until Momma Dear texted and asked where in the world is chigo adona, thus I went home.

There's a whole new meaning of being lonely for me:

*The uselessness of a double cheeseburger when you're alone instead of sharing

*The cold soft drink that makes you thirsty and makes you feel warm.

*Fries that was too salty.

*An empty chair beside you.

*A donut too sweet yet can be shared to someone.

*Panis na laway na dapat sana ay nagagamit sa pakikipag usap.

*Twenty peso bill good for two en route to one mall.

*A hair cut which needs a criticism.

*Timezone Powercard good for an hour and a half fun in a videoke machine.

*Having both hands which were made also to hold someone's hands.

Pick your choice.

Disclaimer: No. No. No. I never held it against her. It was my choice to go alone and spent time alone with myself. It's just that, you can't help but to be disappointed in a little way. I thought going off alone and pushed the moment all by myself would be fun and exciting. A wrong move indeed.

Advisory: Never order a happy meal when you plan to eat alone. It'll just worsen your miserable situation. :)

Thought For That Day: You will start to appreciate the little things along your lonely escapade. A warm smile from the cashiers, the greetings of a security guard, a fair wind that dampens your face, children roaming around and doing some childish things, an empty chair, the taste of your burger, the replies of your friends to your GM's and many simple things. :)

Epic Proportions

2008-09-09T16:01:00.000+08:00

I still have a hang-over due to the mushrooms of blogs that talked about their amazing experience in eraserheads reunion.I wish I have been there. That was like a part of an era. Not just a year we called 90's, but also a beginning of something.Please don't ask me why I missed my chance to go there.

I can't help but to analogize the heavy influence I got from this amazing quartet. If my dad have Duran Duran, The Dawn, and Tears for Fears, and my mom have Beatles, ApoHikingSociety and Martin Nievera to be said that they were a part of that evolution in music, then I could proudly have the 90's in my soul.

For me, ehead's introduction to the scene was one of the most beautiful thing that happened. Their music was like a first dose antiseptic applied to a wound; or a pre-requisite to the subjects on a curriculum.

Then as perceived, I started listening to other bands from then on.

As we grew up, you will notice that most of what you're listening in levels up. Remembering the growls and angst of Slapshock, Greyhoundz and Quezo (Originally Cheese), they were also the ones you (I'm talking about people who born from 1982 to 1990) listened to.

Fast forward to 2007 and to the present times. Presently, it is a silent challenge for most artists to create an era. No. Definitely now's not the good time for the next eheads, rivermaya, juan dela cruz or regine velazques to name a few. Yes, kids today knows the difference between sounding like their influences and just having influences as a daily source of energy and oxygen. Yesteryears, we craved for a sound we could dance with it, sing with it, laugh with it, cry with it, and bang our heads with it.

Yet the priority today is to create good, magnifying and quintessential music. And if I may sight a band that signifies those adjectives, I'll put Updharmadown on the top of my list.

This band gave meaning of growing from my musical roots. Truly a brave new influence I've got in recent years.

They're about to finish their sophomore album as I speak. They even documented some of the process of making the album. I guess to be more personal and more mind-seering as possible to the listeners; that creating music weren't just money on the bank, hit after hits, booze, drugs, sex and noon time shows.

Hindi ba't mas masarap pakinggan ang isang album kapag nakikita't naramdaman mo kung gaano ito pinaghirapan at pinaghandaan?

Fruitless Needless

2008-09-01T21:00:00.000+08:00

Another Olympics with zero medals.
Another year with no vocalist thus no gigs. Umuwi ka na Jijaw! Miss na namin tumugtog!!!!
Another month had just passed still no avail of something from my collegiate life.
Another week had just passed and I'm afraid I am losing my "creative" touch to blog.*

I need a hug.
I need you.
I need neve.
I need tons of courage.
I need substance.
I need (fill in the blank) ______.
I need to believe to something physical.
I need a painting/portrait by the work of ms. acey.

*ms.laurene also is currently suffering from a mild chronic degenerative phenomenon which what we called "blog creativity deterioration". That may unfortunately result to writing this way:

thequickbrownfoxjumpoverthecandlestickandisuckinplayingpoolwithfriends!

normally, without the disease, you are likely to write like the ones here and here.

Help us with this disease, vayie! :'(

The Man In Large Eye Glasses

2008-08-20T23:58:00.000+08:00

I just finished reading a summary of the life of Senator Benigno Aquino, Jr. in wikipedia.org. Just for me to refresh what he'd done a year after I was born. I can't describe the man on my own words. Sometimes I have this urge to thank him for what he's done for this country and for many of us here who enjoys the evenings with ease and in the safety of our homes. But I don't know how or where. I felt that treasuring my fight-worthy freedom and helping the nation in my own little ways are still not enough to reach the heavens above where were you at.

He's gone and yet, he still inspires me to do good for this country.

Perhaps if he's still around, maybe he'll have his own blogsite as well. Telling people how he managed to be a President and a simple husband at the same time. Or perhaps he'll be one of the special guests of Kris Aquino's deal or no deal. Or yet, having a TV program of his own.

I wish he's around and reasoning with PGMA on how to handle the peace process in Mindanao.

I wish he's around and inspiring the youth of today on the things the technology could not do.

I wish he's around and writing a column in some of today's thought-provoking broad sheets.

I just wish he's around for his family.

I wish he's here with us while we build this nation step by step from the rubbles of a dark past, food shortages, increasing prices and surmountable God-forgiven streets of killings and storms.

I wish you were here, sir, giving us the smile you always pose for a magazine; the smile that makes us feel that this country is worth living for.

The Fever I Got From The Olympics

2008-08-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

The first ever olympics I watched was the 1992 Barcelona. I was just 10 years old. But I felt the excitement and the triumph of the human spirit on each event. Will you believe me if I told you that I dreamed to become Philippine's first ever to win a gold in gymnastics? It was a long shot. There was this time after I watched the gold medal match of the "dream team", I felt I was meant to do the same. I see myself doing those bars, rings and balance beams, seeing myself an event away from that juicy gold. Muscles are drenched with sweat. A thousand flashes from cameras above me. Amazing. I could just feel the moment.

But when I shared my dream to my classmates, they said that gymnastics are for gays and sissies.

A total devastation hit me. I watched my dream flushed below the pipe lines of my brain's memory bank down to the bank of memories that should be forgotten.

But truly, the spectacle you'll see in this quarter of a decade events will move you to just dream something. Either dreaming to become one of them or dreaming to make a world a better place. It starts with just watching these men and women achieve their goals, competing without any of their blood shed on the floor of a fencing match or from a shooting. And it ends with you; awe-stricken and temperature dropping slowly. Savoring every fantastic feat you have watched. Your mind had become a highlight reel, playing replays of the most astonishing moments.

That's how you'll caught the olympic fever.

But after I watched the 1992 Barcelona Olympics, I moved on to enjoy my 9 years of being a teenager. Pimples grow here and there; teenage angst hits you, the pressure of going out with girls gives you the sleepless nights. Then I forgot all the succeeding Olympics. '96 Atlanta, '00 Sydney, & '04 Athens. I never caught the fever from then on. And thus stopped dreaming...

...until '08 Beijing Olympics came. It was contagious.

Now, I no longer dream to become an athlete. It was too late for me, I guess. For there's a great hype of '92 Olympics of "be like Mike (Jordan)" and '08 Olympics "be like MIke (Phelps)", and I can no longer compete on these coming generation of Shawn Johnsons, Guo Jingjings, Miguel Molinas, Federrers, Gasols and Heidelyn Diazes. Probably one of you who read this have a family member or a friend who would like to become Phelps or Nadal.

But I realized, we can surpass them in one way or another. At age 26, I'm capable of achieving something. Something the Olympics can never put it on records or something unbreakable by time, laps and shattering wins. Something more worthy of a gold medal. Something being just who I am.

And the Olympics will just be there. Giving you fever after fever. Excitement, struggles and slow motion relays. A powerful tool to become yourself or relive something from your past.

Today, I've become a ten year old kid again who once dreamed to become a gymnast.

Ocean of Opinions

2008-08-06T02:23:00.000+08:00

For the past few weeks, I've been talking/chatting to a few good people for a short span of time. Their words just kept on going on my mind for some time now. So I decided to immortalize and share these to you.

Nawa'y kapulutan niyo ng aral. :)

On Zodiacs:

chigo adona: it's not that zodiacs are important. pero interested lang sana ako sa kaugalian minsan na sinasabi.
Binibini: haha
Binibini: know people by who they are.. not by templates of signs
chigo adona: indeed. oo nga noh.

On Relationships:

Charles Benson: u have to marry a genuine un blemished and innocent lady.
Charles Benson: pray for that.
chigo adona: yes pa i will.
Charles Benson: hindi ako naniniwala sa modernity of women.
Charles Benson: cguro sa remote place in the Phil.
Charles Benson: kaya lang baka babaeng unggoy naman yun.
chigo adona: hahahaha! perhaps. haha!
Charles Benson: joke lang anak, di baleng di maganda basta maganda ang kalooban, at mamahalin ka forever.
Charles Benson: masarap ang may minamahal, pero mas masarap ang pareho kayong nag mamahalan.
Charles Benson: love is only love when both individuals share the love for each other.
Charles Benson: one way love is expensive financially speaking.
Charles Benson: talo ka dyan sa ganyang love affair.
Charles Benson: pero when someone is in love, he is blind. everything seems possible, up to the point of stealing.
Charles Benson: addicted to love so to speak and obsession is what they call it.
Charles Benson: u like old fashion ladies?
chigo adona: yes pa. i know that pa. im not a fan of Francisco Balagtas' concept of Love. which goes by "hahamakin ang lahat, maging akin ka lamang." I don't believe in that crap. because, hindi ko po kayang hamakin ang Diyos, para lang sa babae. Hindi ko po kayang hamakin ang mga magulang ko para lang sa isang babae.
Charles Benson: well, you are a normal and intelligent person because of that reasoning.
Charles Benson: that is being healthy anak.
Charles Benson: bravo! i believe u.
Charles Benson: i have been in that situation before, i had bee so stupid, pero di naman hinamak ang dyos at mga magulang ko.
Charles Benson: i cant do that.
Charles Benson: pero dumadating sa punto na when u love someone, para bang ang lakas ng loob mong gawin ang mga hindi tama.
Charles Benson: prayer time anak c u later. bye. balik ako at ikaw rin ok?
chigo adona: bye pa! i love you! log off na po ako.
Charles Benson: love u too very much.
chigo adona: take care your health po!
Charles Benson: yes anak u too.

On Generation Nation:

laurene: sadly, in my generation--i don't know with you kasi i think your generation is much better than mine--people conclude everything considered as "deep" or plainly pinagisipan to be "nosebleed" and "talino mo naman!"
chigo adona: oo nga noh. i do noticed that in this generation. siguro this generation of yours was too tired to grasp things on their minds and tend to not complicate things. ?
laurene: no, i don't think so. i think they're just too interested in having relationships via text to care. so by default, they chose to be stupid, they choose to not use their heads
chigo adona: hmm.. give them a chance, ms.laurene. give them a fighting chance and see how this will goes.
laurene: unlike in your generation, they aren't passive. i think they're just like that because they already know. they already figured things out
chigo adona: or we've been on that kind of generation before, i guess?
laurene: pardon?
laurene: i didn't get that.
chigo adona: parang nanggaling na kami sa ganiyang attitude and suddenly, we grew up with that kind of personality, have matured.
laurene: siguro nga. and it just so happens that merong stuck sa "teenager" phase?

On Contentment+Happiness=?:

chigo adona: what is happiness?
Addie Mendoza: whaaat?
Addie Mendoza: uhm.
Addie Mendoza: happ1ness 1s c0ntentment?
Addie Mendoza: when y0u kn0w y0ur sat1sf1ed, and y0u kn0w y0u d0n’t need anyth1ng else
chigo adona: hmm... so would it be possible to be contented but not happy?
Addie Mendoza: n0
Addie Mendoza: 1 th1nk
Addie Mendoza: y0u’ll 0nly be happy 1f y0u’re c0ntented eh.. when y0u’re unhappy, y0u l0ng f0r s0meth1ng..
Addie Mendoza: d1ba?
Addie Mendoza: makes sense t0 me
chigo adona: that's a good point. hhmm.. sige i'll ask you.. what will be that certain thing na makakapag pa kontento sayo?
Addie Mendoza: that’s s0meth1ng 1 d0nt kn0w
Addie Mendoza: 1 th1nk n0 0ne ever kn0ws
chigo adona: hmm.. so what will be that certain thing na makakapag pa ligaya sayo?
Addie Mendoza: that’s why l0ts 0f pe0ple are always unhappy
Addie Mendoza: f00d

On Choosing Wrong but Happy, Right yet Sad:

chigo adona: hmm.. maiba tayo.. let's go back to humanities 101.. philosophical questions.. would you rather be wrong but happy or right yet sad? and why?
kay moreno: wrong but happy. risky na ko ngayon eh. hehe. i would rather experiment on doing something na nageenjoy naman ako kesa magstick ako sa isang bagay na hindi ko naman gusto.

Breaking The Silences

2008-07-31T16:00:00.000+08:00

I broke the silence.

I couldn't stand it any longer.

I felt light and heavy at the same time.

Ganun pala yun. Kapag nasabi mo na, there's no turning back, you can't sit back and relax, you need to get ready to hit obstacles, the complicated complications, the pains, the sufferings, risks on the line. It's the price of being honest. But the point is there was this thing called "grabbing that chance". Was it all worth it? Hellyeah, I guess.

I really tried to be silent. To love silently is my forte. Pero napagod din akong naka tanga at walang imik.

Unconditional love was really tough to chew. It may survive in a while but still you'll find yourself in need to be embraced; to be loved in return. But the thing is you can not ask a person to say "mahalin mo naman ako." That's too much to ask. or worst to beg.. "parang awa mo na..."

So where do I go from here? If I continue, I already knew where I would be ever since this thing began. It's a lose-lose situation naman sakin ever since e. Pero ganun talaga siguro kapag tinulak ka ng dib-dib mo. Kahit talo na, sugod lang. Tuloy lang.

Leche. Panalo na naman ang Puso laban sa Utak.

Sige, I'll stick around na lang siguro.

Let time alone decide. If friends, so be it. If not, do I deserve the outcome despite of all?

It's always been the hardest thing when you fell in love to a friend.

Shet! Sa inuman na lang ituloy ang kwento!

Smell 'Yah Later, kids!

Who do you say that I am?

2008-07-23T19:55:00.000+08:00

Since na uuso yang mga true friend test na yan, sige nga.. triny ko.. hehe!
Click Me!

Create your own Friend Test here

Use Bus, Love Bus, Save Gas

2008-07-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

Some of my closest friends are already on that bus now. Snuggling and cuddling every inch of the spaces they had. Others went out of it in unity; marching down the doors while clasping hands, and beaming. Others went off alone, disoriented and promising to themselves never to go inside again with the same particular someone. Of course, there were some who went off and on, and not very particular to whose with them, because it's the trip that mattered, not the destination.

For me, it doesn't matter weather I sat on the back, middle or front. What mattered most would be the girl who'll be willing to seat next beside me, and I, willing to give my side, the seat nearest to the bus' window/windshield for her. Willing to wait for the love bus at each stop we would take.

But alas, those were still on a place called "Someday".

I'm still here.

I'm still here waiting on the Bus Stop, eating flavorless popcorn; pondering and observing on each couple inside every Love Bus that goes on back and forth; destination after destination; route every route while I heave a sigh after sigh after sigh after sigh. Checking my wrist watch every now and then. Inventing a certain amount of mannerism just to make the time fly so fast.

Where could you be?
In a different bus stop, perhaps?
Certainly we'll find each other.

Because a lonely soul will instinctively find another lonely soul.

D2 n me bus stop
Wer n u?

Conversing Internalisms

2008-07-06T03:19:00.000+08:00

Heart: Hey! Hey! I have never sounded like this before. A couple of months ago, it was always "Lub-dub! Lub-dub!" Now it's "dubleydubdublubdublubdudubleydubdub." Something's wrong?

Me: Why bother asking me? Ask Brain, instead.

Brain: Why me? I didn't do anything?! I'm in stupor!

Me: You can't feel stuporous! You're a brain, remember?

Brain: Yes. I'm glad you made a point.

Heart: So, what now?

Me: Next question, please.

Brain: Then why her?

Me: Why not?

Brain: Be practical!

Heart: Be patient!

Brain: You'll tire yourself on waiting.

Heart: Life is waiting.

Me: Says who?

Heart: We were supposed to ask you questions. Not the other way around.

Brain: Anyway, the point is I'll give you a million possibilities but still, you'll end up following what Heart will advice.

Me: Shut up! I'm thinking.

Heart: That's odd. How come there was no word such as "hearting"?

Brain: 'Coz if pronounced, it'll sound like "hurting". Which is very prone to you, Heart. Haha!

Me: Oo nga noh.

Heart: Uhuh. What if I'll stop supplying you unoxygenated blood right now, Brain?

Brain: Alright! Alright! I'm kidding! Anyway, what's your answer?

Me: I think I'll pass. I'll hide my answer to both of you for now.

Brain: What?! You can't hide the answers from us!

Heart: Yeah! That's not fair!

Me: Well, I'm supposed to answer questions. Not revealing them.

Brain: Wow. Why didn't I see that coming?!

Heart: Hmm... Let's ask Lungs, instead!

Life On Platforms

2008-06-27T00:39:00.000+08:00

You're being watched

Thus you're being judged
I stand on the platform eaten and consumed by either words or music

On that platform I was someone else
You weren't the ordinary kid who plays the guitar
You've become the sound that penetrates their ears and hearts
You've become a poem that permeates the mind and soul

You are not ordinary
It's supposed to be you but not really the you that they know of

A Life on Platforms is a place only you could understand
An existence of a wild dream
A space of an ethereal haze

All eyes on you
All lights on you
You are not alone but you are figuratively alone with yourself

You've become sweaty and excited
Heart pounded like a caged animal ready to burst out
But you will not mind these
Because on that stage you are not a life form
You are one with something unexplainable

You closed your eyes
You will surrender to something divine
You will be controlled by something free

The stage is yours
This was not theirs
This is mine
This is you
This was me
This is us
We are free
I am free

byccigauxadona

note:
all photos are author's
except "empty stage" photo by simon scott from flickr

Fetishes and Poems

2008-06-21T01:12:00.000+08:00

Noun: fetish fetish

1. A form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body

"common male fetishes are breasts, legs, hair, shoes and underwear"

2. A charm superstitiously believed to embody magical powers

3. Excessive or irrational devotion to some activity
"made a fetish of cleanliness"

Synonyms: fetich, hoodoo, voodoo, juju

Source: www.wordweb.info

---------

Oh please I beg you. Don't get me wrong, my dear reader. A lot or some of you might thought that a very erotic blog has been written, and thus you clicked my post. I am deeply sorry that I disappointed you. Read on...

I am not promoting or adhering or attracting any individual who would like to talk dirty on the context of sex with anyone here in my humble abode. I consider these things as private and personal. But I was intrigued, lately, by this word due to a poetry gig I had attended with. Romancing Venus Mag:net, Katipunan will have a theme about FETISHES. And this prompted me to think or imagine the things I will be hearing from the poets of today. I will likely hear poems that would make ears bleed due to a ten dollar word or archaic phrases just to hide their fetishes. Combining expression and sophisticated styles, creating a strong and luscious lines. I am, in a way, excited to hear fetish poems that in through words that rhymes sensually, creating a beautiful core that is so addicting to the mind. Blinded by the fact that these poems are made for appreciation and not for the crude minded and rude.

I mean, that's the power and divinity of poetries; It makes a "dirty" word (moralists says) a blissful surrender in one's heart, mind and soul.

Past Time

2008-05-28T18:43:00.000+08:00

Whenever I feel slow and empty, I succumb to my imaginations. It become my kind of past time. And one of the latest was I was an amatuer song-writer who won 1st place in Metro Pop. I got the chance to choose a band to play my winning piece, ofcourse.

When finally the name of my song called on stage, the people roared and stood up. As for me, I was still sitting and still can't find the strength to stand up and head to the stage. Head spinning, people around me kept on shouting my name amidst all the noise, mouth had been dried, and since I'm addicted to coffee, I could not bear the after-effects of it. Hands shaking vigorously. Hell, I do not need to shake every people's hands; they just need to grab my arms and consider it shaken.

Finally, I was up on stage with the band. A few congratulatory remarks here and there.

And at last, the privilaged speech. Godbless these privelaged speeches. It takes you to do something remarkable or acknowledgable just to have that certain chance; that undivided attention. Were as in Mendiola, all you need to do was to have a police permit and a good megaphone. But the difference was, well, in award nights, people will listen to what you'll say. Camera's are hungry for a stuttered word or movement, a critique will have the chance to lambast each uttered phrase or incorrect grammar, tabloids will wait for a mistake; a mistake so big it will make the whole world laugh.

I walked across and felt the microphone bumped in my mouth that created a little feedback.

Then my mind went blank for atleast 20 seconds. You'll hear around the crowd for shouts and whispers. Those 20 seconds alone made me realized two things: I've learned that a thousand simultaneous whispers was more loud than a shout; and I realized that the concept of the spotlight was for the person on that spotted light will never going to face a big crowd. All you would see were shadows or darkness in front of you. You were metaphorically alone on the stage. A tactic to scare the hell out of you who only tried to step on that unknown world of attention and celebrity status.

I used that figure of anonymity to compose myself and come up with a short speech I finally sought from the edges of my memory cells of my brain:

"Buhay sa Diyos, tenga, puso at isipan sa musika, paa sa lupa. Maraming salamat. Magandang Gabi!"

People stood up once again and roared while I raised the trophy or rather the soap and hustled myself up from the comforts of our toilet bowl and flushed.

Next time, I'll try noble peace prize awardee or a long time husband of Blair Waldorff.

Note: Italized part was from the acknowledgement section of the undisputed album light,peace,love by Bamboo.

Offertory

2008-05-22T12:24:00.000+08:00

In times of despair, anxiety and near devastation, my mom held on to her rosary and lighted a candle in our mini altar here at home. You won't be surprised if us siblings carries our rosaries in our pockets almost everyday. We have in our home a very influential Mom. :)

In light of the sufferings we've seen for the past few weeks, let us join the mourners in their silences by offering them a prayer and a lighted candle.

For China, Myanmar, to our fellow countrymen in Region's 1 and 3 and the killings in Laguna

photo By Raffledoocious on Flickr

To Whom It May Concern:

2008-05-18T19:10:00.000+08:00

To you whom I saw the world as it was;
Full of blissful and blooming colours.
I will never going to repeat to you these words again.
It's always been so hard for a person to say this phrase.
I will never have the courage to tell it right in front of your innocent face.
Is it because of the friendship we are now having?
Is it because of your unreachable status?
I could only give you one inevitable reality:

Sorry na.

Kasi minahal kita e.

Sincerely,

Cci

Highly Recommended!

2008-05-05T19:24:00.000+08:00

Category:Books
Genre: Literature & Fiction
Author:Khaled Hosseini

"Like a compass needle that points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a WOMAN."

Have you ever endured the unendurable?

Here was a book presented to each of us who gritted every literal and figurative pains that we braved each passing time. Written for us by an author who captured humanity's ironies and emotions into one binding story that a reader shall never forget.

A very moving story of two Afghan women, both shattered and ironically unified by years of war, fear, crooked interpretations of the Koran by the people and seems like a Godless society. Each had given a very important role to one another. And each of them endured the unendurable. Both suffered in the hands of a husband. Realized that, either way, their lives outside and their lives inside a home were both dangerous and both cruel.

I wept during and after I read this book. If you love women as you love your mother or girlfriend or a friend, you shall love and respect them more and more until the last breath you exhaled. They are meant to be loved and respected more than just a thousand splendid suns.

Such a powerful and moving book. Highly recommended!

Khaled Hosseini, author of the highly acclaimed "The Kite Runner", DID IT AGAIN!

Napaka simple niyang magsulat. From the first line up to the last word, it will capture your heart.

------------------------------------

Notes: image above is from wikipedia.

Sadly, No Cheeseburger For Us. :'(

2008-05-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

Four hours ago, I failed the last assessment examination for the call center I recently applied. It was tough and time stressing.

It's a non-voice call center located at San Juan. I got 56. The passing score is 60. Not bad for a first timer, eh?

Oh well. Perhaps, I was really called to serve people... in hospitals.

Retake? Maybe I will. Just maybe. There's a retake after a month.

Nonetheless...

Thank you for the prayers and punches my dear friends! You know who you are. Those punches gaved me a brave heart to get away from my comfort zone.

Blessed are the people who believed in me all these times. All these years.

Ano, cheeseburger or inuman? heheheh!

Of Sundays and Peace Be With You's

2008-05-01T03:02:00.000+08:00

For us, family, we mostly spend our Sundays preparing to attend Mass and to hear the good word of our Lord. Proud to say, it has been our "Panata" to complete all Sundays of this year and hopefully for the coming years as well. So far, together, we haven't missed one yet.

But I can't help but notice the following when I went to hear the Mass:

1. Kapag papasok ka na sa pintuan ng simbahan, karamihan ng mga tao ay titingin sa'yo/sa inyo.

2. Hanggang sa magsimula na ang Misa at hanggang sa ito'y magwakas, kapag may mga bagong dating, they can't help not to look at the newly arrived.

3. Longest song ever played is "Papuri sa Diyos". More than 4 minutes, I assume.

4. Most of the times, we sang the above-mentioned song frowning. Ironically, the song is upbeat and lively!

5. Through the beginning, until the time we say "Peace Be With You!", I mostly caught people frowning and in serious mode.

6. Mas mahaba ang pila ng communion kay Father kumpara sa mga Lay Men. I still wonder why, up to this day.

7. Grandiosity of every Church is still quite obvious these days. Pagandahan. Papogian. Palakihan.

8. Genuflect in the middle not on the sides.

9. We worship the ideals, not the idols.

I hope that that part of the Mass in which we say our PEACE with one another, would be moved to the beginning of the Mass. Imagine people going to mass smiling in the beginning until the time we leave the Holy place?

If only God will give me just that one hour, the power to hear and grant some of the prayers I can't barely hear. The wishes that mostly comes from the silent whispers of a person who nearly breaks his/her eye balls due to shutting their eyes too much, it'll be an oppurtunity for me to put a smile on their faces, just for this Sunday. Granting every prayer reasonable and worthy of being granted.

I can't imagine a life without Sundays.

Ang Ligayang Hatid ng Mga Baboy

2008-04-25T22:36:00.000+08:00

Sino nga naman sa ating mga Pinoy ang hindi pa nakakabasa ng isang isyu ng Pugad Baboy Series. Ganap at isang genuine Pilipino ka kapag isa ito sa iyong mga binabasa. Sa bawat parihabang nag sisiksikang magkasiya sa kanto ang mga karakter ay mistulang buhay na buhay ang tunay na situwasiyon ng bansa. Minsang nakakatawa, minsan din namang tinamaan ka ng mga nakakahiyang pag uugali natin.

Isinasalamin ng Pugad Baboy ang bawat isa sa atin.

Naging bahagi tayo ng mundo nila. Sa kanila ko naranasang tumawa sa harap ng tahimik na pasaher sa loob ng isang FX biyaheng Marikina-Cubao.

Sana'y sa mga ngiti, sarkastikong mga parinig at kislap ng nagbibilugang mga mata nila'y naibsan man lang ang iyong pang araw-araw na prublema.

Ang tumawa kasama ng mga librong ito ay bahagi na ng pagiging isang masayahing Pilipino.

Kung masaya ka, magbasa. :)

Nagtataasan man ngayon ang presiyo ng bilihin, ngumiti pa rin, mga mahal kong Kalahi. :)

No Moolah, Bored Summer?

2008-04-13T22:05:00.000+08:00

Ikaw ba 'to?

Mainit na nga ang panahon, wala ka pang pera. Naka dikit ka maghapon sa upuan at naka titig sa telebisiyon. Naiinggit sa mga kaibigan na palangoy-langoy na lang sa dagat at pool sa mga oras na ika'y nagtitiis sa mga patutsada ni Willie. Mistulang napaka bagal ng oras. Inaantay ang text ng isang "particular someone". At ang masaklap, magdadalawang buwan ka ng walang load. Nagpla-planong mag "outing" pero di matuloy tuloy. Sampung beses kang humihikab sa isang araw. Tanghali ka na gumising.

Puwes, 'di ka nag iisa. :)

Heto ang mga kakapiranggot na tips para maging masaya at kaaya aya ang summer mo kahit naka kulong ka at nagmumukmok sa bahay.

1. Maligo ng apat na beses sa isang araw.

2. Maglaro ng Magic: The Gathering with friends and partners. O kahit na anong card game.

3. Magbasa ng libro.

4. Mag basa ng mga kagilagilalas na friendster profiles.

5. Makipag titigan sa alaga. (Masuwerte ako at meron kaming alagang Pagong)

6. Abangan ang latest sa mala-telenobelang buhay ni Brian Gorell...(Na magkakaroon na raw ng MMK version.)

7. Kumatok sa kahoy tuwing nakakarinig ng tik-tik ng butiki.

8. Lumundag, Umawit sa harap ng electric fan at Tumawa... mag isa. :)

9. Isipin ang nakaraan; ang nakaraan niyo ng isang taong naging malapit sa iyo.

10. Mag ehersisiyo tuwing gabi, tatlong beses sa loob ng isang linggo.

11. Tumugtog ng instrumento.

12. Magpuyat.

13. Mag post ng blog tungkol sa latest summer (boring man o hindi) experiences mo so far.

14. Mangarap ng gising.

15. Gumawa ng tula. (kahit walang katuturan)

16. Makipag usap sa long lost friends. (Kung may kontak ka pa.)

Ituloy mo ang listahan... :)

Pop is Sell Out

2008-04-09T18:42:00.000+08:00

Bakit sa ating mga i-ilang Pilipino, kapag na uso na ang isang kanta, yung tipong sobrang papular na, ay 'di natin mapigilang mainis at magalit?

Indeed. Good music, is good music. But these times, our times, I can never imagine pop music to be a good and irritating all at the same time.

Minsan nga, mas na eenjoy ko pa ang isang kanta kung i-ilan lang kaming nakaka alam nito. Who would've engaged in a conversation that you're topic is umbrella and irreplacable, since these songs are in your system all day?

Look, I'm not against these good music. I can really tolerate most genres. Minsan nga lang, sa sobrang papular ng isang kanta, namamatay pala ito agad dahil madaling napagsasawaan. Asan na yung mga taong tumangkilik sa "Unwell" ng Matchbox20 at "Perfect" ng Simpleplan? Pinatutugtog pa ba nila ang mga piratang cd's nila sa bahay at sa ipod(imitation/orig)? Na ang naka imprenta pa sa harap ng piratang cd ay "ALL THE HITS of 2004 and Beyond!"

Beyond my ass.

Sigh... I could not imagine music to be so despensable now adays. I personally believe that these popular good music are meant to be kept. Kasi nga naging paburito mo ito diba?

Kasalanan ba ng label o kasalanan ng artist? It's up to you to give the verdict, people.

For me, I'll reserve my comments for myself and try to be more understanding.

E pano pala kung tumanda na tayo. I imagine something like this..

80 year old Me: Apo, paki lagay nga sa ultimate mega pixelated touch screened micro compact disc ko yung "Akon" na MP20. I feel groovy and I wanna sheyk tha' thang, bebe! yeah!

In a world like this, it's really not that hard to imagine at all.

The Used and The User

2008-04-03T06:58:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been used by people you know and you do not know very well? Weather indirectly or directly? And weather you're aware or not about it? What's more worst, being aware that you're being used or not?

I was being used so many times. Yung iba, kinalimutan ko na, yung iba, parang biglang bumalik sa isipan.

Not too long ago, a group of students from a prominent University needed a person who could appear on a video that they will shoot for academic purposes. Meaning... for thesis.

I volunteered, yes, for the purpose of helping them, since I've been on that student stage were you're so pressured to do things necessary for a major subject. And I volunteered, knowing that I would have newly found so-called friends.

Their thesis went by quite alright. They thanked us, my friends, for helping them. They said that they wouldn't know what to do if weren't for us... blah! blah! blah!

And then that's it. The communication stopped. Dumaan na dun sa puntong parang 'di na nila kami kilala.

At naglaho na silang 'sing bilis pa sa bula.

Nakakalungkot lang isipin. haayyy...

I have been forewarned about these kind of people in precollege times. Unfortunately, the warning didn't served me well. Because I didn't see it coming.

So which user/used are you, the one you're aware of it, or the one you're not?

Saklay

2008-03-11T17:35:00.000+08:00

A mother and a father breathtakingly looking at their child, sleeping. Suddenly, the child yawned. The parents smiled. And then, they recited a vow that came from their hearts...

Ina: "Nandito kami, anak, para mangako sa'yo, saksi lamang ang gabi."

Ama: " 'Di mo man ito naririnig, sapat na ang sandaling kapiling ka namin."

Ina: "Ako ang iyong tubig na papawi sa iyong uhaw."

Ama: "Ako ang magiging tulay mo sa konsensiya't responsibilidad."

Ina: "Ituturo ko ang pagmamahal at pagmamalasakit."

Ama: "Ituturo ko ang pagtitiis sa mga pasakit."

Ina: "Ako ang iyong duyan."

Ama: "At ako ang iyong lubid."

Ina: "Ako ang iyong gabay."

Ama: "At ako ang mag tutuwid."

Ina: "Ang buhay ko'y buhay mo rin, anak."

Ama: "Ang kaluluwa ko'y kaluluwa mo din, 'nak."

Ina/Ama: "Sisikapin namin ibigay ang lahat. Ang lahat-lahat."

Ama: "Dahil mahal ka namin."

Ina: "Higit pa sa aming mga sarili."

***

Ama: "Dalawa lang ang aming hihiling sa'yo, 'nak:"

Ina: "Mahalin mo rin kami..."

Ama: "...At maging saklay namin..."

Ina: "...Sa panahong nadidinig na namin ang huni ng ibon sa bukang liway-way."

Ama: "...At sa panahong di na namin kailangan ng suklay."

Humbly dedicated to our mama, who's sleeping right now while I'm composing this. And to our papa, who's in an Arab country for 8 years now, fighting for his dignity and right as a man and as a father to his sons.

And to you, my reader, for your parents/guardians/yaya's, as well.