Vodka, my cat for a year and a half now, has gone missing for a week. I tried to look for him in hopes that he will come back. Prior to this, he perpetrated to go up to my room and wake me up. That day, turned out to be an important day. Without him, I was doomed to be late for a meet up. I shooed him, twice, to go off the room. He obliged but with a few meows here and there, just to remind me that I have to buy him food when I get back later from the meet up. I did. He only ate once. After that, my father took him out. This is common knowledge that Vodka would beg my pop to get him out to hunt for female cats. Vodka never returned. I never even thanked him that day when he went up stairs to wake me up.
I can't help but to look back when I saw them(he and his brother Kahlua) as kittens small as a child's foot. I gave them milk and set them up a Balikbayan Box for their warm bed. When Kahlua died a few months after, Vodka contracted some sort of flu. This is a fatal thing for cats as I recalled. Vodka almost died. I cried for mercy and prayed every night for his survival. Awa ng Diyos, milagro ang pagka galing niya. First lesson I learned from Vodka was hope.
He went on as a normal cat but I was reluctant to let him out of his comfort zone due to safety issues, etc. Hence, I made him stay inside from the four corners of our home since then. Second lesson: Make room for change. Accept it.
He matured well and willing to take all necessary means to go out of the house. I remembered my teenage self out of him. Gumagawa talaga ako ng paraan para lang makatakas sa loob ng bahay at para may mapuntahan lang. Most of my lame excuses are birthdays, projects, girls, band practices, etc. Don't get me wrong, though. These excuses, more than half of them were true to the bone. Third lesson: Let it be/let cats be cats.
I remembered the time I spent a few hours with him in our back door in which our wash room was located. He stared at me, while I caress his head. I contemplated much about his dependence in me and his purpose in my life. After minutes of pondering, besides being my favorite pet, I figured he's some sort of a symbol for me. Like he's some sort of a reflection of what I do to people closest to me. Yeah, I'm caring, I'm generous. But the one thing I noticed was that he was a big representation of dependency; I like people to depend on me. That I, in return, would depend on them. I hold those thoughts or events that someone would make, or regard me as their hero, their provider or a person to look forward to. Kaya pala minsan, kapag may mga por favor ang mga taong mahahalaga sa akin, ang hirap kong tanggihan. Fourth lesson: Be quipped to say no sometimes. Be less of a hero.
As a person, I grasp every opportunity to hold on to those things that means a lot to me. Lalo na sa usapang relationships. Para bagang, meron akong separation anxiety sa mga bagay na nag uugnay sa akin at sa aking ka relasiyon. It makes me sane most of the time. But it doesn't make me practical. I am too emotionally attached. I admit that I love words. My phone would attest to that. I keep text messages, photos, everything that I could re-read and re-capture are all amazing moment I felt with a girl. Call it cheesy or poetic. But this is I. Someday, someone would just have to live up to who I am and vice versa.
And yet, it seems like when I hold on to too much of something, I miss out most of what life could still offer.
My final lesson with Vodka was when he went I away:
I finally learned to let go. (whew!)
The less I keep, the more I could move on. After all, the baggage is lite and you could start putting things inside it again. Then carry on.