L is for lonely

...ako'y malungkot nanaman..

amoy chico na ako...

sometimes in someone elses life, comes the part of being lonely and feeling homeless.

...the feeling in which your happy outside but sad inside. in these cases, you look down on some songs that will penetrate your deeper sense of loneliness, a song in which you can run it into your head all throughout the day and be one with that song..
and you memorized a line or two from that song...

...when times like these are unbearable, i'll contemplate myself and be one with nature.

its a place a few walks from our ancestral house in Zambales. in that place stands a "papag" and a small "kubo". it was a hut built for farmers who worked all day. its got fresh air, great view, quiet and its relaxing. saksi ang lugar na yun sa aking mga kahinaan at mga sikreto ko sa buhay. inilalabas ko ang kalungkutan sa tulong ng hanging dumadampi sa aking mukha. the place itself is conducive for private moments with nature. because there are times i find myself crying and sobbing and be back for a couple of times there and find without a trace of that sadness and of that fears. every memory of me being in that place have been erased. a new and uplifting spirit awaits just for me everytime i go there. the place will embrace you. its like God embraces you with all His heart. as i looked straight into the horizon, questions are running thru my head. but until i leave there, not a single question have been answered. summer after summer, i kept on coming back and ask questions... still the place gaved me no clues nor near-fulfilling answers... but i still keep on coming back. maybe it was meant for me not to ask, maybe the place doesnt knew the answer, but why does this place kept me from coming back? i'm always welcome to come back.. and i'm always welcome to leave. nothing was changed everytime i went there. this i knew all along! how could i ever forget, the answer was right infront of me. i was meant to change... for the good. was it really the answer? was it really the question i meant to ask? i dont know.. they dont know.. we dont know. but i do know, i found comfort in its strange ways.
i found solitude... i'm at peace. i'm at home.



pagkatapos nun, uuwi akong masaya at punong puno ng pag asa. =) taon taon ganun... taon taon dumadating ang sumpong ng kalungkutan. but na lang at nadiskubrehan ko ang maliit na kubo sa likod ng napaka gandang bukid.
thank you Lord for giving us such a gift thru nature!



Random Recommended Books for the week! thank God for Bob Ong!!! bless you!!!


for the newly grad and aspiring teachers/mentors/sensei "ABNKKBSNPLAKO" is one of the MUST read!!!! i'll review the other two books next time!

POST IT's:
ms. russ!! i'll post the pictures next blog post ko..
ms.aCey!! yo!! whatever happend to your phone?
ms.kessa!! miss you tooO!!! how's work?

A thousand Thank you's for all the commentors in my last posts! asahan nyong bibisita ako sa blogs niyo ok? =)

Pilipino ako! ngunit ang pangalan ko ay....

my last songs syndrome: "virtual insanity" by jamiroquai & "Slo Mo" by eraserheads

Florencci Gautier Allen
3 names??? wala pa jan yung last and middle names. hehe.. talk about my experiences in exams diba? hirap! but it was fun!

my dad... yes! he's the one who gaved me my name and he actually (literally) looked or find it in the world dictionary were 7 languages are in it. spanish, french, yiddish, german, italian, latin and english. i used to hate my name when i entered kindergarten in st. paul's pasig. i sometimes argue as a kid to my parents that why do they have to punish me with such long name. pwede namang Richard na lang. my classmates would ask "bakit ganyan pangalan mo?" siyempre sasagot lang ako "eh gusto ng Tatay ko eh!" so after experiencing bad moments with my classmates and teachers from kinder to prep, i decided to ask seriously my dad about my name and why does he chose it.

One afternoon of '89, while eating mirienda of binatog and drinking coke, i asked him "pa, bakit mo po ako pinangalanan ng ganun ka haba? at bakit yun?" my dad smiled and said "because one day, if you'd somehow be famous, atleast i know it would be you, my son. and i would be proud of it if someday, your unique name would be on those history books na walang ka pangalan. ayaw mo ba ng ganun, anak? pag nakita ng tao yang panagalan mo, ipapanagalan din nila sa anak nila someday! ..and you'd be proud of your name, i bet you!" at some point, i was amazed of what he said of being famous and everything but i then realized the importance of a name. it was like or somehow a "key" to any person's life to enter. it was somehow a sign of Love by parents. Our parents gaved that name and its up to us to create something bad or good from that name from the beginning up to the end of our lives.

but this i wonder... is it ok to you if your parents gaved you or you to your future
children such names like... hudas iskariot, lenin,adolf hitler,carl marx,freidrich
nichze(sorry for the spelling),bazooka,atomicbomb,emsixteen,nuc(short for
nuclear),smith&wesson,hades,incubus,succubus,erap,grloria,fidel,brutus,spawn,and storm?
for me, its ok! as long as i know how to explain it like what my dad taught to me about my name
and be proud of it eventually! siguro nga its not the name, rather its the heart of that name's bearer that makes that name meaningful.

explaining the name:

Florencci (floren.chee) - it was supposed to be Florencia or Florencio since i am the second child expected, my parents didnt know my gender yet kaya yun... atleast daw ready na sila with a name pag labas ko. and then it was a baby boy! my grand pa's(father side) name is florencio. according to my father, he changed his mind and thought of something Italian! and there it is..

Gautier (gohteeyaey) - "pare, kahit man lang isang letra sa pangalan ko ha?" it was my father's best friend named Walter who were requesting that somehow his name could be included to mine. a very clever father i have, he reached to his 3 and a half inch thick 7 languages dictionary and try to look for a "French" equivalent of "Walter". and there you have it, my father's finished product!

Allen (alen) - my mom wouldnt want to be left behind when it comes to my name. she have this 2 handsome and smart elementary students in Collegio De San Juan De Letran back in 1970 something named Allan and Allen. my big bro got the Allan so i was left to have the Allen for a 3rd name. and since then, it began a tradition from my family to have atleast 3 names, my parents assured that their 3rd son(im 2nd in the family) will also be blessed to have 3 names.

Ccigaux (cheegoh) - its from my real name's florenCCi & GAUtier and my father
put a letter X in the end of it so that it wouldnt be pronounced as... "Cheegaw"

some of my nicknames from childhood to the present by friends & family:
ccigauxlele lawaylaway, chico&delamar, chico, chigo, cheegz, chigs, cci, ccigoxki, chicosci,
ccigaux cookie dough, fetuccinni, pavaroti, ispahetti, lasagnia, sheego & syego.

to gave you an idea how serious our folks about this tradition:
my kuya Gavin's: Gabriel Vincent Allan
and the bunso: Curt Simon Ali (he have the most unlikely nickname which is Cusi)


thanks to all those people commented and shared their names to me. it means so much!
such lovely names you have na kahit maikli atleast the part that it was created with pure love
is worth loving it.. and so nevertheless, be proud of it!!!! let us all be proud of it!

ms.cali,ms.rizel,ms.russ,mr.jepi,ms.laurene,ms.kai,ms.patty,ms.freyti,
ms.cheenee,ms.claudine ms.roanne,ms.tiepee,ms.aCey,ms.aecee,ms.pammy,
ms.kOoky&ms.kessa!!! to mr.patrick&ms.yayam: sure add me up to your links!!!



Random Question of the week: On being mad, angry and hateful

as Lionel Luthor once said "we're at our weakest when we're angry!" i wanted to know the things that easily make you a monster or the things that can make your face
like osama bin laden. hehehe.. its good to know your "outs" about life, i will be forewarned about it and understand you more.. and thus accept the things that might be of a
difference from our point of view! kaibigan, usap tayo about jan!


Random Share a moment for the week: EK experience "be one with physics!" taken last January 29, 2005
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v521/calcQ/Enchanted/ek40.jpg

it only takes 15 minutes for you to observe poor progress!

Last Songs Syndrome: "Otherwise" by Imago & "Save Me" by Remy Zero
My Favorite Quote: "Things aren't always what they seem" -Jafar-

i walked towards an area were most people would not dare wanted to go. i went there because my mom ordered me to buy "pansit bihon" for my brother. he's turning 16 that day. arriving to the store of mang conchito's panciteria, i knocked and said "manong! 3 order po! pansit bihon." mang conchito repeated "tatlong order?" and i nodded. i turned around and make some observations to onced have been called "the squaters area of cubao." i called the place "alley ways of the poor and unfamous". i noticed children are playing without there clothes on, a pregnant woman sitting comfortably to a "bangko", houses now towering 3 to 4 stories, the congressman's project of public basketball court was occuppied by the one's who have money for bets, these courts ideally teaches the good things thru sports. kids who wanted to play would have to wait for another 2 hours. the kids will have no choice but to play at about 7pm, i find others just standing by for miracles and some people are busy for their sari sari stores. i do noticed mosy kids there wore jerseys and shirts where their idols' name or photos are printed in it. like for some instance i noticed the basket ball names and stars such as jordan, caidic, ghost fighter, yu ghi oh, dragon ball and britney spears. these images symbolizes that someday they wanted to be like them and be successful! and i observed most of the homes are made of the saps of working abroad. some small alleys are dark. its a perfect place for "transactions", if you know what i mean.

as these images sucked into my system, i cant help but ask... is this what they called the simple life now? what does progress mean for a common man? is it still important? how many blocks of bricks does a four story house have to build one? does "pansit" really prolong the age of a person? who is Cubao? what does success mean for children ages 8 and up?

manong: BOY! heto na yung pansit mo! tatlong order di ba?

after 15 minutes of waiting, my order was already up for me to bring it back to our home. from mang conchito's pansiteria, i'll walk back home while passing another batch of the same images of the country's slow moving pace towards achieving progress. hhmm.. people still can wait there for 30 years or more for another batch of ill presidents.. besides, they have manong conchito's pansiteria that would make their lives longer for while....

.......

Random Question of the week: Name Mo 'To!

Everybody has a name! for those people who still wonder what my name is.. Ccigaux (chee-goh) is what my parents gaved to me as my nickname. i'll tell the whole story for my next post and you'd all be surprise! you first, What does your name mean? why do you chose it or why does your parents chose it? let's talk about your nickname for example...