Fascination

Why do some people are going crazy about this kind of Power over men and women?
Are we generally feel weaker if we are ought to be ordinary?

When I was still in college, and having the time of my life on nursing duties in the hospital ward, I was oftenly chosen to be a group leader for nine people. It was a group of consists of 2 men and 8 women. So instead of leading them, I mostly do their favors. Taga ligpit ng upuan, taga pulot ng kalat, taga bigay ng ward assignments nila, taga buhat ng upuan, taga hanap ng upuan, taga pakinig sa mga problema nilang mediyo personal, at marami pang iba.

I complain to them sometimes. I make them feel that I'm no iron man or machine. That instead of having the control to move them, it was somehow, the other way around. One of my phobias back then, was having the responsibility towards yourself and to others to whom you were leading to. Nakaka takot kasi hindi lang buhay mo yung hawak mo e. Magkamali ka lang, e pati yung mga kagrupo mo e lagot sa instructor mo, diba?

And that was how it felt to be powerless and powerful at the same time. I was powerless to control my groupmates to do what was for my OWN purpose. Yet I was powerful to sacrfice their necks for their own accord. Powerful to inflict damage to their work. It was a matter of choice pala.

In the recent events of bloody election, I was fascinated and sickened by the incomvents/newly elected person hunger for power. And by observing them, imagining myself in one of the public positions in the land, I could, more or less, lose my life or my mind. Or both. I realize that my own style of leading won't pass the cruel world of Philippine Politics. I had no cunning. No force to inflict fear in the minds of many and the might to put peace and order. If Machaivelli and Sun Tzu were still alive, they might be laughing at my face right now and forcing me to go lead some flocks of birds and school of fishes instead of men and women.

Power, power. Are you worth killing for? Are you worth fighting for?
I am fascinated by your essence. The weak shall never inherit you.


It's a crazy old world of politics.